Thought and Self Analysis

I got caught....I didn;t defend myself....Why?...Was there no explaination to be told? What was I really doing? Was it boredom? I have compromised myself. There is no way out but straight through.

.. Giga. Drill. Breaker..

I suppose I have been bored for too long and recklessly played overlord. I have not been thinking clearly lately. Are these things happening, my fault?

I believe I have ruined something with Victoria, because now I can't go back to her for help. I have destroyed a section of my network. I feel as if my army of greatness has been compromised because of my own selfish doings. And yet I still stand as if I am the "good" guy with values. Truth is, I actually am and yet I tagle myself in these things. Why? Humans are so wierd. I am so contradictary. Forgive me Victoria... Screw you Tony; our friendship has been compromised long ago, this is just a revival of it. And damn those who misunderstand or betray me.

-edit- Little did he know, or he may have ignored, I was seeking reconciliation and it seems that a handful of troubling events appeared and has sunken the effort(s). *sighs* like I said before Tony, I'm sorry about the girl thing, but that was then, this is now, you know you want to move on but you just can't, even I don't know why.

I have not betrayed anyone. I am merely an active neutral character. As some may have seen, I tend to hesitate, alot, giving the impression I'm slow or what not. This is due to my traumatic experience that still contunues to this day. What would you do when you are a good obedient child being in the middle of a parent's domestic violence? Who will you choose to listen to? Who will you please? What will you do to stop all this chaos, this violence, this...fighting?

I chose..Both. I have always tried to compromise with both sides. My mother's iron rights and my father's stubborness and stupidity. I respect my elders. I wanted peace. I wanted all this fighting to stop! I dont want to attack my enemy, not that I am intimidated, but by consequences. My enemy and I may lose something in the middle of the fight and I might unleash the psychopathic wrath that I have kept deep down inside... Savagery at it's finest I'd say.

Again, I'm sorry Victoria. I beleive I was probing again; this time worse. My angst may have went too far. I just wanted to know why so much that I didn't realize I was hurting and violating you. Feh, am I no different than the Violator? I'm sorry, I guess I was being selfish, inconsiderate, and blind.

Translating thoughts into language may be a factor as to why I get misunderstood so easily. I know things, I feel things, I sense things. I am very sensitive so I get hit first emotionally. My analytical and observational skills are quite sharp and yet sometimes I am the blind fool... Har,Har.

I just noticed, why didn't I write what happened with Tony today? I wrote about mainly Victoria and me.. Oh, yeah, he is not a problem closest to "home" although he lives a block away..
Tony was pissed today becuase of my naivity. All I did was repeat what he had shallowly said about my date to Linda. Anyway, Tony tells me that I should keep my observations to myself? Hell, he's the one that started opening his smart ass.

Let us not be enemies and spoil the moment, Let us all enjoy the Senior Ball. God help us all.