I am a shell..

I am a shell..

That emotions, issues, thoughts, and peace can go through.

I am generally blank or empty within my mind.
I keep myself clearheaded as much as I can.
I keep myself as happy and calm as I can.
But when rage, anger, sadness, and emotion arises
I cannot handle myself. It just comes in and stay,
Stay, Stay, for a while, and then it just leaves.
Whether it leaves, by my own choice, or by time,
Is up to what has been "inputted" in me.
To Hold or to Release. To Push or to Obey.
To Apologize or to Ignore.
To Cry or to Die.
To Do or not to Do.


I basically wrote this when I figured out how I handled my anger.
I hold things in especially emotions or acts of violence/emotions right away when I see it.
My mind, emotion, and body are brimming with the fire, energy, and intensity.
I usually hold it until i can send it right back because of an "impulse" or I can just eat it down and suffer, hurting myself so that I don't hurt others. But really, it all depends on what happens and I don't like hurting or killing people ( which is why I try not to HATE but only to DISLIKE people).

April Virus?

There seems to be reports, rumors, and news of a computer virus that will come online tomorrow and go FUBAR on everything.

arrgh damn...this seems to be another part of GITS x.x

I had the link earlier lemme see if i can find it..nope i cant, well just search it on google :P

i suggest not usin ur comp for a day tomorrow...just in case...

good grief x.x

I posted this so there would be 20 posts in one month xD yeah.. i know waste of space :/

Infidelity Part 1...

GT P4R4D0X (11:06:26 PM): sighs

LuciferAkira (11:08:25 PM): what?

GT P4R4D0X (11:08:31 PM): nothing

GT P4R4D0X (11:08:33 PM): im just wonderin

GT P4R4D0X (11:08:38 PM): about infidelity

LuciferAkira (11:08:55 PM): what about it?

GT P4R4D0X (11:09:03 PM): just..Why?...

GT P4R4D0X (11:09:08 PM): :/

LuciferAkira (11:10:58 PM): Shitty relationship, shitty handling of shitty relationship. Shitty handling of certain factors within the relationship turned it into a shitty relationship.

LuciferAkira (11:11:31 PM): Sexual addiction

GT P4R4D0X (11:12:00 PM): shit you're good :O

GT P4R4D0X (11:12:25 PM): and like.. I can testify :O

GT P4R4D0X (11:12:29 PM): hmm what else?

LuciferAkira (11:13:47 PM): Boredom. Lack of interest. Changing worldview(s).

GT P4R4D0X (11:23:33 PM): whoa

GT P4R4D0X (11:23:35 PM): boredom?

GT P4R4D0X (11:23:35 PM): x.x

GT P4R4D0X (11:23:44 PM): yikes that must be awful :O

LuciferAkira (11:24:06 PM): typical porn-title story

LuciferAkira (11:24:12 PM): husband is a businessman

LuciferAkira (11:24:19 PM): hardly ever comes home

LuciferAkira (11:24:23 PM): wife gets bored

LuciferAkira (11:24:24 PM): wants sex

LuciferAkira (11:24:26 PM): no time

LuciferAkira (11:24:30 PM): has to find someone else.

GT P4R4D0X (11:25:20 PM): sighs

GT P4R4D0X (11:25:26 PM): amazing these humans huh

GT P4R4D0X (11:25:29 PM): theyr

GT P4R4D0X (11:25:33 PM): weak

LuciferAkira (11:27:55 PM): I wouldn't say that. Some prostitutes have changed the course of history.And some infidelities also prove how "childish" everyone is.

LuciferAkira (11:28:02 PM): *cough*Trojan War*cough*

GT P4R4D0X (11:28:15 PM): actually im not quite familiar with that

LuciferAkira (11:28:46 PM): http://www.cracked.com/article_17126_5-whores-who-changed-course-history.html

LuciferAkira (11:29:02 PM): Cracked is awesome

LuciferAkira (11:29:09 PM): you learn a lot

LuciferAkira (11:29:20 PM): knowledge is power

LuciferAkira (11:29:24 PM): and power is hilarious

GT P4R4D0X (11:38:53 PM): yeah cracked is good stuff

LuciferAkira (11:39:16 PM): I spend too much time reading it

Lawful Good

D&D Online Alignment Test
By David Noonan

Your Character’s Alignment

Based on your answers to the quiz, your character’s most likely alignment is Lawful Good.

Lawful Good

A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. She combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. She tells the truth, keeps her word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion.

--excerpted from the Player’s Handbook, Chapter 6

Keep in mind the alignment suggested by the quiz is just that: a suggestion. It describes your character no better than a 36-question test would describe you. But it’s a good way to start thinking about how your character acts when confronted with issues of alignment.

Now that your character has taken the test, make a note of which questions scored in the opposite direction from your overall alignment. These exceptions can tell some interesting tales about your character Are you a good character with a greedy streak? Are you a lawful character who can’t stand the village elders? Don’t just roleplay your alignment -- roleplay your alignment exceptions, too. Few characters perfectly embody their alignment choice.

Try the test again

Changing Alignment

From time to time (say every three to five levels), it might be a good idea to retake this alignment test to see whether your character is experiencing "alignment drift." Perhaps you intended him to walk the straight and narrow, but (having fallen in with bad company), he’s becoming increasingly comfortable with behavior that would make his mentors blush. Or perhaps you intended her as a hard-bitten cynic, yet find that she’s the one who makes sure the rescued survivors get safely back to town, sometimes slipping them a few gold pieces to replace their losses.

Don’t despair: People change over time, and characters do too. Some become more lawful (there’s nothing like amassing a stockpile of loot to make you want banditry and thieving to stop). Others relax their earlier strictures to embrace a more flexible approach. The alignment you choose while creating the character may not be the alignment that best fits how you play that character. Retaking the test later on also has the advantage that, instead of abstract conditions, you can plug in specific examples of how the character behaved when faced with any of the situations outlined in the "test."

Note that some characters (paladins, clerics, monks) suffer consequences of shifting alignment. Consider this test a qualifying exam for beginning characters in this class ("Well, you seem to score poorly on lawfulness, Sir Eadgar -- are you sure you want to be a paladin?") and a moral and ethical compass for those already on their chosen path.

Read about the creation of the Hero Builder’s Guidebook in our Personality Spotlight interview!

Humans are dumb..

We Humans think we know everything once we have experimented and figured out certain aspects, facts, and have taken precautions. This applies for ALL subjects, fields, and criticisms.

Yes, this idea is quite based on the theory both nihilism and skepticism.

Man is arrogant especially in his way of "Rights". We have no rights. We have nothing but ourselves and our mind that our Creator has bestowed upon us. The only "right" we have is the authority to overcome Demonic Intentions, Deeds, and whatever the Devil does to us. But many of us don't use it and instead we just give into temptation, indulge and consume into gluttony, and destroy things for wrath and entertainment...

Indeed, all these Professors are truly professional and magnificent with their teaching abilities, you can say they are the masters of the subject. That is all I can say for them, but really, what DO we KNOW about the world? All they teach are just centuries of refinement of the "subject". hell, I even wonder how were the schools back then. Were they really good? Thomas Aquinas would be a good example, and so is Dante Aligheiri? Anywho, the only explanation for this is that education is considered as a school of thought, and by using theories that have been proven correct over the years, it has proven quite effective and has lead to the advancement of mankind.

Man has gotten cocky. They think they know everything by experience. And ironically these experience and wisdom are true at least to our extent, but really, it may not apply to "out there". Our gravity, in fact, our planet has everything that we will ever need. Biological lifeforms are all over the place along with natural resources. What we experience here such as gravity, temperature, and life are completely different on another planet. So what do we really know? Nothing except our own standards that we make up such as "lightyears" or "earth's gravity".

Another intersting point is the paranormal, and the "other world". Humans are not strong as the devils and angels, yet we have the authority to stay with God and believe in him so. And since the other beings besides God are much more valient, powerful, and or intelligent they must have communicated to us through our "way", our "earthbound" ways. The devil could be manipulating your anger and make you his instrument. The angels may guide us through signs that we can only understand, such as The Bible, and other things relevant to what we seek.

"What If? or What Is?" That is the question. Perception is what can deceive us. All of us have different ways of percieving especially the SAME object. For instance, there was a story that I have heard from mom. The best I can recall about it was that it was about a person who never really believed in God, but when that person went to Church, they saw Angels as the Holy Bible was about to be opened, meanwhile most other Churchgoers did not see this even though some of them truly believed. Another example would be something supernatural. One would see this "thing" as a bunch of speckles of light and dust while another would see the exact same thing as a ghost..freaky isn't it?

Well that's all the brain raking for now..and yes, I know it is incomplete..but this is quite complex @_@

Row! Row! Fight The Power!

A lil' sumtin fo fun~. It is a song that I have been addicted to as of late along with Libera Me From Hell, Nikopol(City of Victory), and gattai nante kusokurae!!(Uniting Can Kiss My Ass!!) Thank You animelyrics.com :)

Rappu ha Otoko no Tamashii da!
Onore wo Shinjite Ten wo Yubisasu
Dotou no Otoko Kamina-sama no Teema wo
Mimi no Ana Kappojitte Yo~ku Kikiyagare!!

Rap is the Soul of a Man! Perk Up Your Earholes and Listen REAL Close to the Theme of Lord Kamina, the Man of Raging Billows Who Believes in Himself and Points to Heaven!!

-Hook
do the impossible
see the invisible
raw! raw!
fight the power!

touch the untouchable
break the unbreakable
raw! raw!
fight the power!

what you gonna do is what you wanna do
just break the rule, then you see the truth
this is the theme of "G" coming through baby!
raw! raw!
fight the power!

-Verse1
power to the peeps, power for the dream
still missing piece scattering, so incomplete
we be the most incredible soldier from underground
see how easy, they all fall down
digging to the core to see the light
Let's get out of here babe, that's the way to survive
top of the head, I'm on the set
do the impossible, don't you wanna bet?
cuz, a lot of things changed, we be waiting in vain

if you wanna get by, no pain no gain
wow! fakers wanna test me again
(damn! suckers wanna test me again)
sorry, my rhyme's gonna snatch your brain
we gonna make it happen with the crazy rap
(I'm still starving for the straight up shit)
we gonna make it happen with the crazy rap skill (shit)
get ready to rumble, now is the time
if you don't know, now you know

(good luck fellows! ha ha)

-Hook

-Verse2
2nd verse dedicates to the real peeps
what we got to say is so real thing
(what we got to say is damn real thing)
cuz, revolution ain't never gonna televise
kicking the mad flow, microphone phenotype
(kicking the dope shit, microphone phenotype)
open your third eye, seeing through the overground
I'm mabout to hit you with the scream from the underground
whole city is covered with the cyber flavor
"G" is in your area, one of the toughest enigma
-Hook

No More Secrets...

"some things must not go outside of those who know"- Albert Nguyen

I am fighting against what is actually true and happenin' all over the military and political offices.

What am I to do? Well all I know is that this reminds me of the earlier post I have done about a cast of characters whom are working together and such and yadi yada~. *sighs*

Am I really fighting what i know is true? Is it even true? Is it even fair to me? As a close friend to Albert?

Well "eff dat quote!" Here's a response quote!
"I Prefer Knowin' Then Not Knowin'.." ---WatchMonk

With knowledge, comes power,
With Power, Comes freedom,
With Freedom, there is like no other...
Therefore, It is best to not be an Ignorant Fool
And be handled by an "elite" class whose
Will is to only themselves and your disadvantage..


WOW, that short poem has soo many different meanings in it and well..its ironic (on soo many levels) because of it xD

Character Presets..

Okay. Here...We...Go!

I have been thinkin' lately about my friends and how we judge things, feel things, see things, and even how we think! WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. Yet, we are also on the same wavelength~. Maybe its because of the "guy code" and cause of rotc and maybe some courtesy and beliefs..

Martin, Albert, Tony, and Me-- we are all very similar but there seems to be a weird pattern of conflict that keeps happening. Well...I guess it is because they, they as in Tony and Martin, secretly dislikes me for I am "different".

I am different as in being the most different from them all.. It may sound weird, but I am describing myself honestly. I am kind, quiet, lawful, neutral, indecisive, good,
honest, disciplined, honorable, caring, weird, and pretty much try to do things in a Godly Manner.

And also I brought in the chart for a reason. I am basically a combination of Chaotic Good, Lawful Good, and Neutral Good.

Tony, however, is somewhat of an antagonist. Maybe he's just more of the jealous type and just loves to use legal ways to get what he wants, although it is morally wrong-- hell, he wants to be a divorce attorney! I believe I have describe his info in an earlier entry...

Martin- ...to be continued @_@

AndYeah, ya damn right I'm actually stating and disclosing your names! >:O

Success!

Today was one of the most lively, energizing, and powerful day that I have ever felt and seen!

I was able to go through the school day with such energy and awareness only to get it increased tri-fold once I met Albert holding and standing nearby Jess. From then on, I was speechless and glad that its finally done.... ;)

And after school I went back to the Volkswagen Dealership to retrieve the NAV, only to,again, be impressed by such business. ( I myself like businesses and support them) The salesperson became a good acquaintance, and his managers were very nice, too, although they are EXTREMELY POWERFUL---I dunno, but theres this "feeling" of immense proffesionalism :O

After gettin back home I really wanted to run and so I did. I ran past by rotc and waved hi at everyone there followed by an insane 3+ miles run up Yerba Buana. It has been a while since I've ran, but nonetheless exhilirating :) For some reason, it was a hot and sunny day yet I did not sweat like a mad man :/ Thats good I guess unless it's because of my shirt xD

I am hungry, I should go eat...

Let's Talk Politics..

Okay, I think it is time to be like those true Political Bloggers and blog! But this is actually really complicated and soo....where shall I start...

My government teacher is really is a pro and he really knows his stuff, but we can discuss about him some other time can't we? ;)

I love politics because I am a humanitarian and diplomatic person. I started to like this field ever since I started watching Steven Colbert and John Steward.

I define myself once as a Democrat, and then a Republican-- but again, these days people can align themselves to any party and still vote the other.

Although I may be aligned with one side, I still prefer certain policies especially the ones that we can use as of current issues. For instance, I like some liberal ideas, but at the same time I like some Conservative policies.

Hmm..this just brought me to another chain of thought: I am liberal only when it comes to caring and being the will of the people, but at the same time I am Conservative only when it comes to marriage, businesses, and taxes.

Drama, Drama..

I've realized something very interesting all this time...and I can't help but finally conclude that rotc does indeed have a lot of drama. Yes, I know, I am slow but maybe all this time I didn't really know what was going on and I must have been in denial or too ignorant to bother :/

But really, as I look back...our rotc unit really does have alot of drama since...well, day one.

Lately the only problems have been with our top heads(I think its still goin) , cadets and the top( a friend of mine and another friend of mine who is higher ranked), and cadet with cadets(Me and an underclassmen) . There may be possibly even more drama like with relationships, cadets and outsiders, and God knows what.

Its funny how everyday I dont pay attention to or notice drama at all..and now I've finally come to a conclusion. ~_~

And then with this thought, which brought me to a petty and fascinating view of Man: "Even the Top Leaders, Staff, and whoever has proper authority will not be spared when it comes to drama". This has been quite proven by WATCHMEN. The whole team are made of coworkers, lovers, friends, family,people with greater power than the norm, and look at what happened to them. With those nouns in mind, they were vulnerable to drama and thus they succumb easily even though they were the leaders of a free city. Their organization fell apart, their code, goals, and name have been lost and tarnished (mostly because of drama).

Rotc seemed to work the same way, we have staff, and they are all (those nouns up there) and well....they are human as well..with thier own desires, personality, style, and so much more, all working towards a goal..and that is the fact that keeps all of us in compromise for the sake of the future, however there are those who soon find the system broken and will soon find the truth and abandon or make thier own problems needless to be dragged into one..--funny this could be a good story xD--- but yeah in the end..

Where's the morale? wheres the love? where is the trust?... :(

Three words: Mindless Self Indulgence...and Ostracize-ation

Which leads me to a nihilist view..that we are all beasts and that we really are savage inside..theres nothing to it in the end..only a passion/fun for the moment just like there could have been a sexual intercourse for that day...(I blame the existentialist books that our highschools somehow teaches us )

The One Who is Insecure About Himself...

This person feels the need to compare themselves to other people to make himself feel better..
He has no standards of his own but of others--in other words-- his standard is what he sees that he is lacking when he compares himself to others, afterward he tries to be either an apprentice or a "surpasser", which ever comes first will determine his respect for the other-- it usually isn't good especially if it doesnt meet his "shallowness". Yes, this person also is very shallow, he finds beauty in people in a very different and unethical manner. He also is a violator, always being a perv, and trying to pry into personal affairs with no shame.. -- it's not worth revealing yourself to such a cretin

oh em gee! This reminds me of a character from The Fountainhead...but not necessarily quite like it : The Infamous Peter Keating.

This is just a quick recall straight from my head about Peter Keating as best as I have understood and remembered. Peter Keating truly was a talented man but he had a major flaw and that was with his jealousy. He desired to be better than others after he compared his work to their's. He also got dirty by using other's works for his own. He practically built his life out of other's and he intends to keep it that way no matter what, after all, he is the so called "second-hander". Peter Keating got whatever he wanted; fame, fortune, a goddess for a woman, and an "Individual" friend whom he made off of. However, there is a thing to note, was he really a selfish man or was he a very selfless man? That is the philosphical question...he basically used other's standards and how they would like him to be and so that became his standard and he seeked it to please others, but what really is?...I don't know.

whew, so far so good, this is just all coming back to me... I am now officially interested in analysing and characteristics of people now ;)

sighs soo far none has Howard Roark's personality (but then again , ITS INHUMAN) but there are Tooheys, Waynands, and Keatings out there...fo sho~

I am horrible!

I have got to hold my anger, angst, frustration, and hatred. I've gotta keep my cool~

I somehow impulsively punched a good friend of mine after the Silver Creek Drill Meet right in front of my other friends and now everything feels weird. After that day I had some enlightenment or so I hope. He is the victim, not me, I am just a bully. I am the bully for punching him. He was actually a good friend..tsk..

Now that I have thought back, does he really care and see me as a friend as well? Well, now I know i must let things cool down for a bit including with the Star Family/Brigade, Colorguard, Jess+Albert, and myself. And then I shall have a wise talk with him...

....I still have a lot to learn especially about being Cool, Confident, and Insightful.

I Smile...

I can't believe this!--well actually I can-- this is totally priceless! Okay, Okay, let's hold my horses...

First off I am still resentful about the Milpitas Military Ball fact...but I'm okay with it because of..

Two! Jess and Albert had a nice time, and for that I am happy for them. ^_^o I wanted them to go so they can have their "time"--see how nice I am? but I have no idea what really is official and what has happened as of yet.. It appears from my analysis and semi-trained eye that Albert likes Jess but Jess likes Albert a whole lot more! Shes been more open lately especially with Albert, for example, the open house night. She literally took his hands/arms out of his pocket because it was a violation and because well...she wanted to ( she usually yells or hits guys to discipline them). Another instance is now her new hair style, it's just only an added one sided bang to appear cute perhaps. xD

*update*And on top of that, it seem that Jess and Albert both now have a deeper understanding with each other. It is like those time where things are told, said, or done and at that time both knew. This is considerably going well so far :] They really are a couple?



WAIT! STOP! No, I am not a stalker for all those reading, I am just VERY observant especially with People, Emotion, and Details.. and also I am only interested in certain things that may or may not coincide with people.


And now what shall we see in the nearest future? ;) Many people/friends of mine are rooting for her and him, it's just amazing how well they support them as a loving couple...and well for other's it's just hard as shit.. Now that brings me to a thought I've been wonderin for awhile..What about me? Will I find myself? Will I find the one? I know its definitely not Victoria--err The Dancer, she gives Martin too much credit and seems to have not realized how I was always there caring...although not physically but maybe that is the reason in itself?.. Anywho,again, I Thank God for being able to see how a relationship form..it is a wonderful thing..I am learning :)




P.S. THAT DAMN STAFF!!!! Why So Special?...

This is soo Wrong...(topics and issues)

-I think I like a freshman girl..

-Thuy and or whoever is letting Staff only to the other school's military ball and not everyone else.

-My friend(s) or so they are called, aren't really my friends because if they were really, they would be more considerate and tell me things, such as the Milpitas Military Ball or the possible upcoming Overgrove Military Ball..

-I care for my friends and people more than they know...

-My "Friend(s)" are fucking Apathetic and they just love being like that to boot!

-Discrimination especially in work places...

-Super freaking in dances...or freaking in general..

-Shallowness of a person...or their "expected" standards and if it is rational...

-A friend of mine that thinks low of me and is possibly unconsciously insulting me...

- So called friends who immediately criticize or talk back with no rationality, but impulse, and sending such a negative response that just hits my nerves...causing more impulses...

This are issues concerning with me and or concerning with me concerning it/them.

17, such a powerful age..

As I looked at my profile and Tim's profile on Blogger, I noticed that our age, occupation, interests, and stats all make us look very unique, powerful, and stylish especially with our age. Speaking of age, a friend of mine will be turning 17 tomorrow :)

17, makes one feel so young, strong, and still full of youth. Just the look of it, the truth of it, and the qualifications for it is just interesting to me!

Dont feel bad, if you didn't get invited..

hmm the title says it all. It just came to my thought as I was thinking how messed up things can really be. Thuy wanted staff primary and 2ndary to "bond" by goin to the Milpitas Military Ball only and not letting the cadets know even though we were all invited. Well it is fine by me..but if you really wanna know how to party, then you must not restrict or hinder yourself like this.

I've got to learn to grow up a bit more, its nothing personal, really it isn't, then why am I all angsty and fuming about this?

My Heart is too Kind..

As it would seem, I am a nice guy, in fact soo nice, I couldn't say no. I just let people squash all over me..I only took it in and ignore them. I soon found out there was something called being passive from a friend of mine. She said I was very passive active or something like that...feh..took me awhile to finally understand something like that.

For years I kept caring for things people wouldn't normally care whether it be a small detail on the ground, or the person themselves. But now things have changed, for the better. If I want to become a politician, I would have to argue and defend my position on many, MANY, different levels and topics. I also would need better grammar, English, and information. However, all those aside, I believe that having confidence in myself and in my plan of attacks, yes plan of attacks. I need not to strike back, for I will leave it up to God, but I shall steel my nerves and handle any situation confidently and with cautious prevention.

There shouldn't be anymore problems, hopelessness, or despair once you have Faith, Confidence, and Love....this is a hard thing actually.

I say alot of things and well..lets just say it is quick thoughts or just "easier said than done". :/

It appears I have Follower(s)

I just went back to check on my blog after requesting my fellow friend whom one should know whether as an acquaintance or as a genius in the making, only to find out where and how he has been placed.

He is placed inside my "Followers" box and it just seems hilarious to me, since, he is the one that seems to lead and open people's perception with his own rationalization. And I am more of the spiritual one but still has a follower(s) nonetheless, which now seems more interesting as I continue to imagine...

First Thought

Altruism...is it really that bad? I've saw that one day while playing one of the best games ever, Bioshock, and it really hit me..with the idea of Ayn Rand's individualism, unrestrained.

During the game, I saw one of the banners quote " Altruism is the root of all wickedness". This made me thought 'huh...but doesn't altruism means to completely care for others? There can't be any problems unless it has gone too far and or the person doesn't want any help...'

1st timer...

Well, this is neat considering I just created a blog when I should be doing homework...

Everything here seems all new to me...I should browse around and check up some names and options with this site. Grawr...but this is a nice step towards the exercise of free speech/print/rights.