What's in a Heart?

whats in a heart?
nothing but a few pieces of flesh and gallons of blood.
just a little bit of spices and alotta iron.
but what else is there to it?
what is there ?
what is it?
ah, yes, "it"
the metaphysical realm.
the heart, the soul, and the emotions.
something that none of us could ever forget.
it is that which was born with us the minute we exist.
our very own existence lies within our heart beat.
with each beat, we are alive.
it is a miracle that we are even breathing right now.
with each contraction, a determination
with each breath we take, a testament against death.
With each heart beat, a miracle
nonetheless
(part two) add on 20091205
We take it for granted
Heart health is a serious issue
in fact, all your organs have been taken for granted
ever looked at your skin and realized
that it is the biggest if not the most visable external organ?
But you smoke, you plead, you stress, and you hate.
All those stuff arent spose to be inhibiting from the body
much less say capable of doing so.
But people do anyway. dealingwith the external
not realizing that its the internal
mind, body, and spirit

Farce of Life: Problems

We all have problems, so why should I care? I will not be a slave to others. I will not be controlled by every beckoning and every movement of that person. To hate, to despise, is to be controlled by external forces, forcing you to be under thier spell. Your very existence will be against and always troubled by thiers, no matter what they or you are doing.

We all have our own things to do, and if we consider them as an outsider and of no importance, do we really lose sight of something? Or is it good riddance? This is the dillemma I am facing. Girls do this perfectly and some guys do this as well. "I don't care, so sorry~" "That is none of my business" "Not my problem" "uh..I would do something..but as of now, I dont care" "Matters not to me, I dont give a shit"

Is this what apathy or even whats that word in that post that Tim has deleted... But anway, its something like that... Before a good thing can show up--- it gets cut off like that especially when it is of great disitnerest to a person. But that is natural, what I want to talk is along the lines of Self-Interests..

(an off topic example) Poor girls, they always want 10/A guys, but in the end, the majority of them will find it too hard or unhappy and they settle for an 8/B guy, which may be too late since theyve all got takened. Ignorance is bliss and yet, careful timing and utter ignorance is smart, secure, bliss. When we are older, thats when we are ready--but perhaps it is bio clock ticking, maybe thats why.

(slightly back on topic)
I realize theres a whole life ahead of us especially in the 20's..but can we really be happy if we dismiss things "unworthy" now and not care? will it help? will it bite back at us?

A Contractor's Contract: A Blessing or a Curse?

( MI6 Contractors working together seen above)

In the anime, Darker than Black, it features characters/people with super inhuman capabilities much like superheroes or those guys from"Heroes" (the TV series). These characters/people, however, are called Contractors and they look very well like a normal average person, except that they have powers. These powers range from ice to lightning to even time travel. But what I want to talk about is the contractor's contract, personality, and behaviors.



The contractors in DTB are much more like assassins or bodyguards or even spy agents for hire; used by other countries against other countries. They have a contract with whoever hired them and they have thier own personal contract (as of now, who knows how) which gives them their powers and terms. The terms are wierd in a way it's almost autistic or just plain harmful. Now, not all of them are equal, some may have stronger powers than others but what they all have is what the anime tries to talk about: Do contractors really feel any emotion? Contractors, themselves after entering in a contract they tend to "lose" any emotion and attachments they once had when they were "normal"--even they themselves stated this. But is this really true? Now this is where my dilemma starts.



Contractors are much, much more rational than an average person, much less say a proffessional business/lawyer/hitman. They take self-interests only to themselves and no other. (There are arguments against this such as the hidden suppression theory and the partner theory, but lets not get off hand here) They decide quickly and efficiently especially for the long run, when they will need something. They think what can be benefitial to them whatever that may be. They carry out the tasks given to them with no remorse. They have no feelings, emotions, or doubts, much less fear. They are also lifeless sometimes just like the dolls who are almost completely inanimate and rarely stimulated, save thier little movements.



Now if I or anyone to become a contractor, would it mean a better life? We would see things in more of a realist and practical view. We would also not have to worry about love, relationships, and friendships and maybe altruism.


(A Doll, seen above here)
Just thinkin of being a doll is also a comforting thing during times of distress/challenge/breakdowns. Imagine, able to stop feelin anything, and living your life out peacefully and stoically. Just think about it..enjoying every minute, every hour, and every day..kinda enlightenin like a monk isnt it? Wouldnt it be nice?

I find myself stimulated by doing everything calm, slowly with grace, and with green tea ;D

Winter Wonderland...

I dont know why, I took a step forward, but only to stop when I finally have met her for the first time in person in awhile. I coudlnt even compliment her new hair and new glasses. Nor could I strike up a good conversation. But I spose that is because of the cold weather and perhaps she had something else to do.

gah..when I left, that was horrible..a poke..and then a retarded convo with brandon and then sayin bye to him and her. Hugged her, alas..but still..(at least I did something) I should have done so in the beginning...fsck...its like..I am not allowed to touch her; more like theres some kind of sacred restraint Ive placed on myself.

It was cold. I was actaulyl quite lonely. Everyone there were doin thier own thing. I had not much ppl of my circle to hang, although I did met some other 09 and other graduates, most of the kids there were all freshies and sophomores..gah...everyone was small o.o

It was cold. I can't believe I left my headlights on ><

It was cold. I needa work out....

Alas...I'm lost once again...?

High School Life

Would you ever come back to your high school and like..watch the children..and like...rest and see how the next gen is? Sure, you may look like a creepy man eyein on the young..but really..theres no harmful intentions other than remininscing and observing and taking in the view of what has changed and what hasnt..

Things to Write About...2

Even though we cease to exist...God still exists.

There are only beleivers and non-bleievers, therefore, the boundaries between us Catholics, Jews, Muslims, and so on are not there But at teh same time, it exists even right now, why? is it the name? the rituals? the prejudice? the pride? the fear of truth? what is it? Is it cause we just exist?

Defragment your heart, mind, and soul.

Hatred will make a slave out of you. You will be bound to the person's every whim, movement, and expression. A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys..

In the end, there are only believers and nonbeleivers. so might as well spread the news of doomsday to see if they truely are who tehy say they are. cause when things go chaotic and they know they will die, they may just go around killing and such. we dont know the exact date of the end, but its best to live and do good and spread the faith towards everything and everyone in the mean time. there is no point to even prepare doomsday. is that why theres those crazy old guys terrorizing ppl during disasters saying "repent!" and the "end of the world"?

I visited my high school today..

I visited my high school today...

It was pretty nice, saw some CC ppl as they are heading off to CCS and had some teasings by Commander and Master Chief (just cause of Army affiliations). And I also managed to talk and say hi to some of my juniors--most but one :(

I came too late. She started moving yesterday and now shes in London, England. *Sighs* this sucks, i was too late! >< but alas...theres always facebook--which is prolly the only reason why it existed in the first place; to keep in touch with college peeps.

Life has been interesting lately. 1%. Time. Homesick. Maturity. Knowledge. Experience. Everythings been floating around my head...it seems I've been thinkin too much about everything at once.