It appears my need to blog urge has come back again. But I'm glad that it's coming back, because that means im contemplating and relieving stress. Hopefully I wont go erratic like i did back then when I first started blogging... It felt like I just had to clarify and condemn things to figure out the truth. However, that was because I was weak and I let myself be dominated by bitches.
This is a brief list of what I did this Summer of 2009..
Animes Watched:
Gunslinger Girl, Gunslinger Girl Il Teatrino, Welcome to the NHK, Paranoia Agent, Gantz, Rozen Maiden,
Rozen Maiden Traumend, Darker Than Black,
Animes Yet to Watch/Finish:
Code Geass, Hajime no Ippo, Shakuran no Shana, Mushi Shi, Baccano, Black Lagoon, Noir, Serial
Experiments Lain, Lucky Star, Mai-Hime, Ikigami, Le Portrait de Petit Cossette, Ouran Host Club,
Other Shows watched/watching:
Heroes season 3, a bunch of movies,
Got License/Car
Worked out
Eat
Sleep
Contemplated about Life
Became lonely
found out not lonely
started RCIA
got sick for a bit
hanged out
some social outings
summer school
befriend with great friends
learned alot
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Despairity...
I have been procrastinating with this post for quite awhile, but during these past few weeks; I have finally collected enough information to further write about the pinnacle of life. (3 monthes worth). In addition I realized that this'll take days to complete... No matter, It has to be done.
This summer-is-perhaps, the turning point of my life. In fact, it is the turning point of life. This is where you will go to college, where you will meet new people, where you will work and earn a living, and where you will choose what you will become. This summer is where I realized that I have no true friends, that I was paranoid of an aftermath, that I watched one of the greatest animes of all time, that I am going to college, that I am uncertain of the future, that I have been enlightened beyond my expectations, and that I...
I want to first write about friends. I have no true friends. Even my best friend isnt really so and so although we both aspire to be honorable men with values.
I realized my differences with them are as unique as my own individuality. My faith, my sentimentality, my personality, my skills, my way of kindness, my gentleness, and my way of living are all different from my friends-guy or girl. But that is to be expected since we are all different right? Or maybe I am just that different from the rest of them. I was classified as an ENFJ afterall.
During this summer, I was also paranoid at the outside world especially the motives of some certain people. Whenever I stay at home, its like I'm living under a rock with no current social news other than the TV, Internet, and whatever media I manage to get my hands on. Tony and Victoria may be going around badmouthing and ruining my reputation-but hey, its not like this hasnt happened before. As of recently, it appears Tony doesnt give a shit about me, and I spose its a good thing; that must mean he doesnt wanna bother with me anymore. But we'll never know unless we get through his head wont we? In fact, I believe his birthday passed and he made a party but i wasnt invited-no-more like his friends gave him a party with him in mind. You see, they care about him, and I find this fact interesting. And Victoria, she got together with My, I'm not sure how much his opinion has changed of me, but it seems hes affected one way or another. I am not sad that they are together, no, hopefully this time she can finally be taken care of and move on away from her past.
Speaking of past, Victoria may be the girl with a past, but it apppears I am the man with the past. I sometiems think back to a moment where its embarrassing, futile, or inevitably happening. I relive the moment, play it back again, and try to run it a different way so that next time that mistake won't happen again. I gotta stop doing that because its occuring all too much! I gotta move on, learn it, forget it, no more sorrow, sadness, or regrets. Regrets..just like with Ly. omg.
I am really sorry Ly, hountou ni gomenasai -.- I really am. I didnt mean this to happen. I was a double agent--no, a used double agent. I liked Victoria but at the same time I didnt know I was violating friendships and whatnot. I didnt even consider you or anyone elses feelings/privacy. All I did was scoop around, dig for information and relay it back to whom-I-thought-can-be-trusted Victoria. But no, in the end, after I tried helping her and going to her ChinaTown Gala, and wasting my own time, she just gets rid of me over a stupid quarrel of me and Josie in Econ. *Sighs* Projects can really mess up friendships especially when you have perfectionists on it.
Anyway, I dont expect to be truely forgiven. From this point on, I realized that I am lonely. Martin may be friendly and all but really, after all thats happened..Ly too..so is Victoria, Tony, Josie, and possibly a bunch of others that got corrupted by those two.
(Side Note: Never be a False Preacher or fall to follow your own preachings(?)-For example; Never say Love you as a Friend if the thought of becoming a lover is desperately on your mind. )
I believe this is what I needed to write all this time. Hopefully there will be more corrections, rationalizations, entertainment, and quality in my writing next time.
Take this and put it your pipe and smoke it.
This summer-is-perhaps, the turning point of my life. In fact, it is the turning point of life. This is where you will go to college, where you will meet new people, where you will work and earn a living, and where you will choose what you will become. This summer is where I realized that I have no true friends, that I was paranoid of an aftermath, that I watched one of the greatest animes of all time, that I am going to college, that I am uncertain of the future, that I have been enlightened beyond my expectations, and that I...
I want to first write about friends. I have no true friends. Even my best friend isnt really so and so although we both aspire to be honorable men with values.
I realized my differences with them are as unique as my own individuality. My faith, my sentimentality, my personality, my skills, my way of kindness, my gentleness, and my way of living are all different from my friends-guy or girl. But that is to be expected since we are all different right? Or maybe I am just that different from the rest of them. I was classified as an ENFJ afterall.
During this summer, I was also paranoid at the outside world especially the motives of some certain people. Whenever I stay at home, its like I'm living under a rock with no current social news other than the TV, Internet, and whatever media I manage to get my hands on. Tony and Victoria may be going around badmouthing and ruining my reputation-but hey, its not like this hasnt happened before. As of recently, it appears Tony doesnt give a shit about me, and I spose its a good thing; that must mean he doesnt wanna bother with me anymore. But we'll never know unless we get through his head wont we? In fact, I believe his birthday passed and he made a party but i wasnt invited-no-more like his friends gave him a party with him in mind. You see, they care about him, and I find this fact interesting. And Victoria, she got together with My, I'm not sure how much his opinion has changed of me, but it seems hes affected one way or another. I am not sad that they are together, no, hopefully this time she can finally be taken care of and move on away from her past.
Speaking of past, Victoria may be the girl with a past, but it apppears I am the man with the past. I sometiems think back to a moment where its embarrassing, futile, or inevitably happening. I relive the moment, play it back again, and try to run it a different way so that next time that mistake won't happen again. I gotta stop doing that because its occuring all too much! I gotta move on, learn it, forget it, no more sorrow, sadness, or regrets. Regrets..just like with Ly. omg.
I am really sorry Ly, hountou ni gomenasai -.- I really am. I didnt mean this to happen. I was a double agent--no, a used double agent. I liked Victoria but at the same time I didnt know I was violating friendships and whatnot. I didnt even consider you or anyone elses feelings/privacy. All I did was scoop around, dig for information and relay it back to whom-I-thought-can-be-trusted Victoria. But no, in the end, after I tried helping her and going to her ChinaTown Gala, and wasting my own time, she just gets rid of me over a stupid quarrel of me and Josie in Econ. *Sighs* Projects can really mess up friendships especially when you have perfectionists on it.
Anyway, I dont expect to be truely forgiven. From this point on, I realized that I am lonely. Martin may be friendly and all but really, after all thats happened..Ly too..so is Victoria, Tony, Josie, and possibly a bunch of others that got corrupted by those two.
(Side Note: Never be a False Preacher or fall to follow your own preachings(?)-For example; Never say Love you as a Friend if the thought of becoming a lover is desperately on your mind. )
I believe this is what I needed to write all this time. Hopefully there will be more corrections, rationalizations, entertainment, and quality in my writing next time.
Take this and put it your pipe and smoke it.
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