Thogger

The will to Write

2011-02-25T21:23:00.000-08:00

The will to write is strong with this one...

I suppose I should stop being lazy and start discussing out my vast philosphy and thoughts once again.

So far, all that is kept inside will only be bottled up as emotions, and then the intangible idea will be lost...therefore I must write it down.

To keep record of one's thoughts is to have the ability to analyze and rearrange one's mind, body, and soul.

Holy...First post for 2011!?

2011-02-17T16:32:00.000-08:00

I just realized that this--well actually the other post--- was the first post for this year!

wow..times fly when you are busy, depressed, doing stuff, working out, training, and eating..oh and sleeping...did I mention dreaming?

Anyway yeah, Scattered Thoughts, and Deepening Woes....The Watchmonk is back >:]

This Week! In Re-Cap!

2011-02-17T16:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, just a forwarning...Imma just list a buncha facts...

Here it goes:

-We found a cute armadillo burrowing on top of a mound during one of our trash pick up detail.
-I found a grasshopper jumpin around my feet while I was walking through the grass.
-The moon looked gorgeueous the other night.
-I got sick from one of my buddie's sinus's too. In fact, several others got sick from it as well. Damn congestions..

-Finding a box size trash in the middle of nowhere can lead to more trash pick up, especially once the car stops, you can easily see all the tiny details--which leads to OCD (or at least for me and this other highspeed sargeant).
-We found enough tire parts to build a new tire...or two. lol
-This whole week was hectic. our platoon was duty platoon for several details, and we had some other scheduled and unscheduled events.
-I had a random pissed test despite having to be forced to go in full battle rattle on a detail day. So much for running back and gettin the armor.
-PCs are now the style on post.

The Times have Changed...

2010-11-18T09:58:00.000-08:00

The Times have Changed...

That is the new theme I have been working on. It echoes throughout my head...my mind..and my body... It also actually describes how I conduct myself now, my physical appearance, and my mental sharpness.

I can hear that phrase over and over as I see things happening...especially when I see people becoming what they are not used to be. The times are a changing...just like the song from Watchmen.

I started to think of this ever since I lost Michelle while I was training in the Army. In fact, not just Michelle that showed me how weak people are, but my fellow comrades in arms as well. Some of them got "Dear John" letters saying that thier wives (or husbands) dont love them anymore...

Now to me, that is quite sad. For instance, in my case, Michelle and I were apart barely for 9 weeks..and thus she found one of her roomates, a guy named Eugene, to be her new love. Eugene isnt the only problem. I also realized that her friends/roomates also influenced her. She changed slightly. More outgoing and desiring of friends.

A much truer story would involve Tony and Connie's predicament. Tony became more of a math nerd in college all while Connie became a more open and independent person or something like that (as told by Albert). The point is..Connies friends has something to do with it..her new friends from college. I saw this evidently through a group picture of hers. No one there I knew surrounded Connie in that pic.

The Army changed my life...for the better..

I've learned alotta new life lessons while I was in the Army. These lessons show me how small and yet big we are in this world. How frail and weak and yet how strong we can become. Its like a dime with heads and tails, a contradiction, a paradox.... Compare a strong minded man like Andrew Ryan, an objectivist electrophysicist, to a gentle man like the Dalai Lama.. In fact, this is one of the things I've learned, to be strong or to be humble--there is a balance in between that I must lie. If you are too strong minded, then you are stubborn and will not have peace in your heart, but if you are too humble, then you will let others push you around...

Another lesson I learned is that girls, once they taste "love", they will always be searchin for who has it. This is perhaps one of the biggest break throughs in my philosophy. For instance, I noticed that (using the life theme of change) even though the widow's husband has passed away, she will move on, finding support from another (that all depends on age tho) And vice versa. hmm perhaps this is too complicated for me to discuss right now...or I've hit a lazy writers block.

whew, man has it be awhile since I last wrote! I'll be continually editing my postsand making sure my philosophy is known, or at least grammatically correct.

To be Continued...

The Return and the Dump

2010-08-01T06:08:00.000-07:00

This is what it means..The Return and the Dump(haha...literally -_-)...

I have returned! My mind and concience has put a lot of philosphies on halt but it quickly gain and restarted new ones.

There are soo many thoughts I must jot down, otehrwise it wont be told.

Basic Training

Advanced Individual Training

Newfound Glory

The World Makes me Sad...
MNN broke up with me. I woke up single one fine saturday.
The eastern girls. The hooking ups. The problems of relationships. The weaknesses and frailty of ppl.
The idiocracy of individuals. The

The Augusta Marriot Suites
Beer and the boring world.

Coraline, Better Days to Come

oh and I finally think I should make a tumbler.

this place is slowly dyin away...and also it brings bad memories...because she deleted one of her posts( the story of us) and thatwas my fav one becuase itdetails how it all started and "how we never met"

Special Post! Dedicated to Karissa, Uyen, and Yong

2010-02-28T18:27:00.000-08:00

As the title states....this is for them, the 3 and me make the 4 during deanza, man it was fun.

I have little time to write, but I'll try to make it good

Thanks Uyen for your card! I really appreciate it. I was actually caught offguard xD

Thanks Karissa, I am glad to have met you two and be your friend :3

Thanks Yongs, I will write to you and with you, Karissa and Uyen can see it too :D

I can feel the love even more from all three of you guys ><

It was fun drinkin and eating one last time at Quicklys

As the night falls, and the early morning rises..I am excited and anxious beyond all reason..this is it...its show time! >:]

Jesus

2010-02-28T15:39:00.000-08:00

"Why do you follow Catholicism?"

Its the way, its the truth.

"But why do you follow it so? What is truth but a fact? and this cannot be proven."

The fact of the matter is that Jesus is Truth. Some things cannot be proven without evidence, this is where faith comes in. Those who have faith will need no explaination and those who has none, no explaination will do. The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence

"Catholicism teaches stuff from the Bible, and the Bible is a bunch of lies" (forgive me God for saying that x.x)

Because..well..I am too lazy to explain the theatrics, but know this, Man is only so smart that he must be explained to through the uses of symbolism, metaphors, and lessons. Tell me, if an angel really existed, or some supernatural being really did existed (which it does) will it be smarter and stronger than man? Most Probably.

Anyway the main point is the idea of love and sacrifice. God is the only one that loves you beyond anything else. Who else would do it? Jesus so loved mankind that he gave his life for all of us. Now the question is..would you give up your life for a person you love? or persons you love? or for a random homeless stranger? Now now before anyone starts anything, I hope you see that most of the time we care only for ourselves and our loved ones. Jesus is the only man that can do this 100% without fail or hesitation. He did it once, and he changed the world. You do it once, and you probably will too.

Good Bye, San Jose

2010-02-28T01:50:00.000-08:00

This is it.

A moment of impending monumentum, anxiety, and excitement.

Thus the beating of the Commencement.

Currently the best music to listen to as of late before departing would be "Turn the Page" by Metallica, "Audience of One" by Rise Against, and " Libera Me from Hell " You can also listen to it while reading this! :] It matches I suppose.

But first, a bit of a warning and update. My cellphone will not be my cellphone anymore. It belongs to my brother now. If you have my cell number on your cell dont call me until further notice. Apparently my dad took away my cell and car like the jerk he is. And also there might be a small chance an old man will call. Dont worry, like I said, slim chance, but if he starts acting up again...then you can--will-- resist him.

And also I will be deactivating any accounts, or in this case, be inactive for quite some time. I will be unplugging everything including my compooter, finalizing everything in the house, and yeah.

It was fun here for the last...10 years (the other years were at my old nieghborhood and school, but I guess i can count them too making it 18 years). Grew up in the Bay Area, specifically San Jose. Never really traveled much save my father's ridiculous idea of a travel/vacation is to go to Tahoe (when not snowing) to gamble or to go to the lake. Or to Las Vegas, Reno, and for the same thing. The only place I can truely remember traveling was Disneyland and San Diego, and that was it. Im pretty sure many other have traveled far more than me but then some others arent so fortunate to even travel at all. So I am not complaining. I am going to grow up. :D

ANYWAY. I have known this place my whole life, and now its time for me to move out and start going off on my own. I will be missing everyone here. I remember being homesick for a month or two after I enlisted. I was lamenting on Deanza's community and stuff. But now I feel even more "final". As I look back, This will be my last time here in San Jose, from then on, I will no longer be here, seeing Brigadoon Park, living near SC, touching my games, burrowing in my comfy bed, and the such. Last time for everything I suppose!
Every last feeling, breath, sex(just kiddin about this part), food, family/friend time, and gaming must be felt.

There are and were soo many important things that I must write down, but I cannot recall, especially for this post. I am blatantly tryin to compose sentences meanwhile keeping my current ideas from falling out. OMFG theres soo much to write!!!

and now I am doing a memory dump. I may forget all of these things after I come back--which is probably a good thing or not.. But actaully, its a good thing that I am writing this. I will be "changed" by this experience and Lily doesnt want me to change too much, for I don't know what lies ahead. However I am me will always be me abeit more mature and likewise, "changed".

If you arent too curious, you can skip to the end. (especially skip the Regrets sections as they are VERY PERSONAL)

----These are to specific peoples---

To Yongs
Holy Friggin Cow, I am so glad to have met you before I leave. You are actually a great friend I never had. You may be a bit scary sometime, but overall practical and kind. Oh, and you're "Korean". :] Never had any Korean freinds before (Albert doesnt count cause hes more viet and Eugene--I dont see him as Korean )
ANYWAY, you are a true caring friend. Thanks for the rides and helping me with my outlook on certain events. But most of all Thank God that we both took Asian "Pornstar" Lit Class together and became friends.

To Guambeast/Eric/Frederick/Gummy/Guam
Thanks for everything man. I find it funny how we started knowing each other on XBOX Live more than we do in real life. and then we started hanging out and well, t'was fun~. Thanks for Wingstop and gaming late nights with Tim and Cang and me. You really are a good guy and well..take care. Game On, Game Hard, and Live Free

To Cang
You're a good kid who needs more sleep or better yet, a faster internet.

To Tim
You crazy bastard of a bitch. Been Fun. and Game On

To Michael/Mikhael
Keep rockin it out, Play Xbox Live with Tim and Guam and you never took me to Rohos :o

To Andy
T'is a shame me and you and My coudlnt hang out. But the good thing is that I know that you are a good person, and a very how you say...respectful-about-girls-type-of-shy-guy and I hope you do well and become a pro at Naginata(spelling?) and also..Man Up especially with...Mandy..or someone >.> But then agian you are a really good friend, compatible even with girls with bfs and me and Albert :D Well, Game on, and keep Albert safe from himself lol

To Albert and Jess
You really do have a heart. It's been fun. Take good care of Jess this time around >:] and Jess, I told you~ ;D
You guys were just too perfect for each other.

To Jose, Elaine, and family
You're a really funny guy you know that? Sorry for telling you so late, I didnt know until it was too late. Anyway! I hope your family loves the gift that we gave to you and I also love that you got me a blessed rosary :] Thanks, I will take it with me. Its been fun ever since I met you 4 years ago as of now. Much Love, man.
I guess you will probably also look after things here too like my brother, my mom, and well..my remaining friends lol Live Free, Die Hard, >:] and Stay out of Trouble! x]

To Catty
My little sister who is now in London, I suppose youll be missin me along with the others :s I'm sorry I coudlnt see you off when you did. But know this, I will be back :] It has been fun chatting amongst you, Conny, and Taylor. lol you little girls and your problems. But it was fun helpin you out and well..being a big brother to a little sister that I never had (streetwise or bloodwise) :]

To Noa
My 2nd Deanza Friend. It was an interesting summer with you and David, and Kason, and Quyen and the rest of the "Nussons" of EWRT211. Have fun with your band tour and Egyptian studies and music therapy!

To Kason
You were my first Deanza friend/buddy there and like..I still remember you gave me your half of a sandwhich. Go Scare David again :D (he has a facebook)

To David
4th Deanza friend..Sorry for leaving you :s and also...for scaring and laughing at your Kason moments..which reminds me..Kason! go get him ;D

To Quyen
It was fun doing karaoke and hanging outwith steph and the gang at least once. And I suppose youll be telling me ur outrageous stories when I come back ;D But also, thanks for being my 3rd Deanza Friend :] dont drink and drive or do drugs!! D:

To Lily
lol the wife of my friend and also a friend of mine. It was good listening to you and helping you with your problems. And also Thanks for caring about me and giving info and talking about Army and personal stuff :3
Don't worry, I wont change so drastically like from Lawful Good to Chaotic Evil xD But I'll be more mature and more stronger and well, still silly old philosphical interesting me ;] I never knew you were pretty cool and had similar problems like I do all this time :O Keep your health!! Stay Well!! and Eric will be alright. Our Prayers will make everything alright.

To my Asian Lite "Pornstar" Fam Bam
I will never look at some things the same way again..It has been fun with you guys, learning, rationalizing, and opening up in the community class. I will look at the world and wonder, "Where are the Asians?" especially in America and some top places.

To my RCIA.
Walking the Faith has never been soo much more interesting. Thanks Kurt, Jack, Matt, Anna, Joven, and Sr Lan along with the class. Thank you for the gifts and the blessings ^.^o

To everyone else.
No matter how small, you have impacted my life somehow. Either by being there, or not.
----End of Specifics----

----These are my regrets----

I am grateful for having met everyone especially Maily, Victoria, Phuong, and some others that I cant list right now. I have learned alot from talking with you and being at ur side, I suppose. But sorry for the misshaps.

Maily
Again, I am sorry for what I've done. Our friendship was too good to be a waste, and yet I was foolish. I remember those fun times during freshman, sophomore, and junior year. We laughed, rationalize and philosophized and like..were buddies till the end. In guitar, it was fun even tho the guitar was much bigger than you lol. Oh and I still remember the hug u wanted to give me, but I never took it cause I respected u and Martin's thing back then and so I was afraid of misunderstandings and backed out at the time. Pretty soon rotc and stuff was fun, u made chief and colorguard but then left.. And then there was also the military ball, Larry, and Erick Campos. aha. oh and there was once i remembered u inviting me to ur house, but I declined since I didnt had a ride or something. Which also reminds me, I cant believe my house was the hotspot hang out freshman year until my mom started complaining lol. Ahhh I was looking back on my yearbooks and saw that u were in Jose Valdez. Brings back memories as to how long weve actually known each other. How well we get along, and interact..*sighs* big Tony, chuck-e-cheese, movie nights...what else? oh ya Japanese, the Package...

Tis such a shame i coudlnt apologize to you in person..you were sucha good friend..Thanks for being my first True Friend. :]

Victoria
Honestly I dont know what the Fsck happened to shit a chain of reaction. All I know was, I failed at leading the econ group project cause I was busy myself with Cross Country and rotc. I know Josephine was doing her hardest too and apparently I didnt match with your guys' expectations, and I'm sorry x.x I didnt mean to bash on you and stuff but I guess it was a retaliation to being ostracized by the both of you without really an explaination x.x
ANYWAY, youve been a good friend too, although there were mishaps. I hope that all my rationalizations and philosophy that I shared with you won't go to waste and that you will probably indulge me with your set one day. Thanks for everything, I suppose, Second(?) True Friend. :]

Phuong
I am sorry for all the things I've wronged you. I was never really ready. All u gotta know is that I really loved you back then and that I still care for your well being even though you may not be you right now.

Thanks for everything that you have done back then, I really really appreciated it, My First...

Tony
Sorry to have not been a better friend. We apparently must have lost each other and misunderstood and strained each otehrs relationship so far that...well..here we are..
But thanks for being a fun friend when we were still growin up

Martin
I really dont know what to say, it seems everything I do somehow gets in ur way...and for that, I apologize, I really dont know. But thanks for being a good CG leader and yeah..

Hopefully I was in my right mind while writing htis cuase I was rushing and I dont want to offend anyone or rip up old wounds..
---end of Regrets---

True Friends come few and far and between. I dont have much, and now I cherish them.

In these last few days I have been rationalizing and well having "Last Thoughts" of what to say and what to declare appropiate and what to do. There has never been such finer moment than now. I am beginning to go at the World with only me, myself, and my Faith. I leave behind everything, materials, possessions(well most), and friends and family, to find God (getting my sacraments), and to grow and become a stronger individual.

I will now be moving on towards a brighter future. Perhaps I'll see you guys once again.

As one of my Bob Marley-ish friends once said as he gave me his intricate signature wooden design, "One Love."

Good Bye, San Jose...

..This city doesnt suck as most would think. I see soo much potential in it esp from a wiseful humanitarian, governmental, comunnity point of view.

Some Random Facts, Thoughts

2010-02-27T13:38:00.000-08:00

"I have Faith, not everyone does."

Nickolai Kondratiev, thanks to Glenn Beck, I now know this man's rationalization. He constructed the theory of Mutually Assured Economic Destruction- of which is why people say our economy is too big to fail. Too big? it stands on the life vein of other countries' economy and vice versa. VERY interesting idea.

Figlett. George Soro.

around 9/08/2009 was when I had my first car towed due to the spark plug dying on me x.x

Sawyer's Blade

"Chikara wa Subete"

2010-02-24T23:01:00.000-08:00

Gosh, I love that phrase. It is more or exactly like how i heard it and thus I type it like that. Anyway, it is a phrase that Jin from Tekken has said. In fact, the entire family is revolved around it. They thirst and are hungry for power and will always rival against each other; thus the curse of the Mishima Bloodline..

But enough of that. I would like to talk about that phrase. "Chikara wa Subete" means "Power is Everything". If you have power, no one can step over you. If you try to attain power, then you have to seek it and be ruthless or at least strong about it. But no matter what power you have, all of it belongs to God. God gave us the power in the first place, although we may have claim to attain it. True, we are built to perfect ourselves, thus this is why everyone is perfect, always room for improvement.

My Dragon Age: Origins Characters

2010-02-24T19:33:00.000-08:00

Name- Nole
Sex- Male
Class- Rogue

He is the first character of the 6 Origins. He is a human noble and so starts off with a much easier standing point. He is nice and kind, just like me. In fact, hes more of me than all the otehr characters. He duel wields weapons sometimes a sword or axe and a dagger. He has the utmost trust in his companions and is a very friendly good but sometime interesting guy. This character was more of a guinea pig as since I messed up on his stats a little bit.

Nole is a nice guy type but with rightiousness and caring. He has tattoos on his face and some interesting side cheek burns, green eyes, and short brown hair parted agove his right eye.

He was about to sacrifice himself in the end but he got Alistar to concieve the baby instead. In the end, he left everyone after Alistar became king and he began traveling with Lelenia and Zevran one last time. He'll be back..

Next up is

Lain, a Dalish Elf Warrior. She is fiesty and stylish just like Dante. She holds two handedweapons just to have smashing power. She also very abitious, always craving for power and gives no shit to anyone else even her own kin. Aggressive as she is, she will end her life in the end.

She has medium hair fergot what color..and also has tattoos on her face..light ones..

Nela, a female human mage. a good studious, and confident woman. smart and friendly like nole, but more...woman minded.

Roddy, a casteless dwarve duelwieldin rogue, the strongest since Nole

Darrian, a smart ruthless City Elf. He wants to liberate the Elves and have revenge against injustice. Indignation.

Sarah, an asian looking dwarf. hot and tanned. middle child, daughter of the Dwarf King. "Think Faith from Mirrors Edge and Real from Ergo PRoxy that type of character.

to be completed...

The Feeling of Commencement

2010-02-15T01:17:00.000-08:00

It will hit us sooner or later. The feeling of impending doom, excitement, and anxiety--what I like to call the feeling of Commencement. It is something thatall future soldiers will face. Whether it is only after enlistment or nearing ship day. It can also go on and off..the feeling of homesickness is how i should say when i didnt even leave the city yet! and yet i feel as tho i will miss everyone here. Deanza with its wonderufl student community esp my fav asian lit class. San Jose, who alotta kids think it sucks, but its actaully quote alright and peaceful-ish. and my friends and family..

As the time gets nearer, I feel as though I must write for I have overloaded my thoughts and rationalizations and the capacity to remember it.

There are soo many things:
-the final letters to persons
-the burden of women (aptly named A Women's Burden). And they suffered more than you know. and I mean all of them.
-Global warming. Its actually global extrmeties...the temperature and stuff gets even more extreme and also everything isa factor..and teh earth is changing btw
-

Watchin Movies

2009-12-28T15:10:00.000-08:00

Watchin movies together with others is like an adventure, in fact one of the very few and common adventures we can take as a pair, or a group. We can find the significances and experiences more meaningful and we can talk about it, expressing our emotions, ideas, and rationalizations after watchin a movie.

There is no point for me to watch it alone, otherwise no one will know what I'm expressing, rationalizing, or even talkin about. *sighs*

Watchin some movies togehrter means that you are also spendin some quality time and that you dont have to do much cause the movie is the filler. Just being next to the person means a plenty. Your very own existence throughout that time is good enough.

EYE SEE ES TWENTY FOUR

2009-12-08T15:06:00.001-08:00

Kevin Nguyen
ICS 24
Marilyn
12/8/09

EYE SEE ES TWENTY FOUR

The quarter is at it's end. As I look back on the class, I realized that this was one big community with art, intelligence, support, and best of all, life. The goal of the LinC class was a success. This course along it's classmates really felt like another group of family and friends as it was intended to be. Whoever made it, was a genius. I see that I have changed after experiencing the course material and seeing my colleagues' art, compassion, and existence.

Marshall gave us many assignments in which we have to present ourselves and our art, and take notes of each others works. This was how I got to know a lot of the people in class (besides mingling with them). For example, Fatima made a demon story which told her experience going to the Philippines and how miserable and wet it was. I never knew that about her and now I do. Or when Xang started ranting out lyrics and voicing his dissenting opinion against Marshall's beliefs. That was eccentric since he was the few that openly disagreed, and even more so, that his style of rant was of anguish and EMINEM rap. But then again, there are some things that I found out that I, or anyone else, shouldnt have known at all such as Marshall himself.

This course was a freaking family. Compassion was everywhere needed. As each of us told our stories of past experiences, legacies, and problems, the class was always there, listening and taking it in as each information was presented and revealed. My story, Karissa's American Dream story, Yong's language story, Marshall's dick problems, Marilyn's hippy stories--hell, I realised most of our stories were international experiences or past problems, maybe even prejudices. But the main point is how we can relate to one another and how carefully we have listened and respected each other's views. I became more comfortable with talking out my view points in front of everyone and not pussy foot things like how I once did before in highschool.

But above all, just knowing my colleagues and how they even existed in this world has changed my attitude about it. There is soo much culture, ethics, love, respect, and experiences that none of us knew we had or received. I am more optimistic about America now than I ever was. I finally understood what it meant to be in a community of love, friends, and diversity. The existence of of these communities are what makes America, America. It is a melting pot of everyone and their stories. I am glad to have taken this class with Marshall, Jim, and especially Marilyn. I am more aware of my being and of other aspects and people of the world. I will be missing ICS 24.

The History Dream Final

2009-12-06T20:53:00.001-08:00

Kevin Nguyen
ICS 24
Marilyn
12/3/09
The History Dream
Churchill once said. “History is written by the victors.” This holds true since the conqueror can gloat and glorify all he wants and show the world in his image. The concept of history in Dream Jungle is an interesting one, in which reality and fiction have been merged together in a way that its almost indistinguishable. Jessica Hagedorn merges the Philippine’s dramatic history and the filming of “Apocalypse Now” with her very own fiction and message. She uses scapegoats, and foils for each character and historical contexts to make specific references to each event as it has happened, could have happened, and never happened because history is bound to repeat itself.
The first of a few references Hagedorn makes is the idea or history of “discovery and conquest” in the Philippines. In fact, it is what the first part of her novel is called. The Philippines have been conquered and occupied by foreign invaders many times before. The Filipino people and their resources have been raped, used, and wasted time over time again and again. A good example would be the Spaniards, who have sailed by and conquered the people under their rule in the process centuries ago. Hagedorn included several excerpts from “Primo Viaggio Intorno Al Mundo” by Antonio Pigagetta, who was the travel log recorder of Captain Magellan’s expedition around the world, and she included her own fictional character, a rich Spaniard aptly named Zamora de Legazpi. Zomora de Legazpi represents a parallel foil to the wealthy Spaniards, specifically Captain Magellan and many other conquistadores, who “discovered” a group of natives, “taught” them a lesson, “took” their woman and goods, and thus “conquering” the indigenous people. There have been many references to this from the excerpt of Antonio Pigagetta when he was observing the natives such as “…and those boats resemble the dolphins which leap in the water from wave to wave. Those Ladroni (i.e., robbers) thought, according to the signs which they made, that there were no other people in the world but themselves.”(4) Or when they were in shock and awe, experiencing defeat at the lost of their beloved Captain:
One of them wounded him on the left leg with a large cutlass, which resembles a scimitar, only being larger. That caused the captain to fall face downward, when immediately they rushed upon him with iron and bamboo spears and with their cutlasses until they killed our mirror, our life, our comfort, and our true guide. (106)
Ironic isn’t it? How they referred to their captain as if something great and holy, but he, the captain, along with everyone else, just wanted gold and conquest in the name of God.
Zamora, however, is pretty much the same especially when he bosses around his servants and taking advantage with the young girls like when he was naked and lecturing in front of Rizalina. “Enough about dreams. You’d better go, little girl. Or else your mother will think poorly of me…I’ve lived up to my promise, haven’t I?...You can stop trembling now. The lesson is over.”(49) Or when Zamora is flirty, eager to have sex with many mistresses outside of his marriage such as Celia, his baby caretaker, who just had an abortion because of him. Poor little girls, you can imagine how scared they were and how much of their innocence was lost. And then there is Bodabil, a small Taobo boy Zamora found deep within the uninhabited Philippine mountain regions. This is a reference to the Talibo scam back in the day with the President and false relief fund “PIMPF” in order to gain easy money. But the point is that Zamora claimed that he discovered these indigenous people and that he will save these people from their Stone Age ways for “ who knows what’s sake”. It ended in a terrible way more or less like Captain Magellan and his men, he was soon questioned with the validity of his relief effort, losing his family, losing Rizalina, and slowly dying away, losing his significance.
Zomora’s thirst for lust and dominance is like that of the foreign conquistadores centuries ago whose justification for conquering may be nothing short of “colonialism”, a term mentioned by Ann-Lesley. Legazipi also has an interesting foil of himself, the sadistic Mayor Fritz Magbantay. Hagedorn has created the sadistic Mayor Fritz to show how devious man can be as he lectures in front of his innocent victims (just like how the invaders and Zamora did) right before he does something shameful to them. Nap, Fritz’s driver, thought of this as he witnessed Fritz lecturing to Lina inside the car later on in part two of the book: “What’s the deal with her anyway? She was just a teenage girl, slightly prettier than most, but so what?” (257)
Another reference to history would be the filming of “Napalm Sunset”—the second part of the book—which is actually the filming of “Apocalypse Now” by Francis Coppola. Hagedorn replaces Coppola with Tony Pierce, and Cowboy with Vincent Moody, and many others while keeping authenticity of the hot difficult situation of foreign Americans filming and interacting with the natives in the Philippines. History, again, repeats itself here even though it features different actors and a new scenario. Pierce, Moody, and Fritz are shown how they naturally interact with and exploit the natives. Moody acts like a father to Lina and gets with her after meeting her at a strip club. Pierce hires cheap labor for his production, bossing around everyone alike and disrespectfully considers the surrounding land to be “a venture far too deep into the heart, where savages rule and civilization does not exist” or what ever Marshall was telling us how the director perceived the Philippine land to be—possibly a meaningless toy by the end of the movie. And then you have Fritz, who just wants to sell out his land’s resources to the American actors, and many other dirty businesses. His lusting efforts with Lina mentioned earlier were stopped because of Aling Belen, the protective old lady that watches over the foreigners with condemning eyes. From the book, how she acts is like an ancient spirit and pride of the Philippine homeland, watching over the land, agonized at the sight of the looting and raping of its people and earth.
Now, here comes the validity of history of Dream Jungle. It is true that Janet Pierce did a documentary of the movie and that the actors were partying and screwing around. The Spaniards did have done a lot of things towards the people and so have many other foreigners that come and go. Its also true that there was corruption (even today) with the high ranking officials selling out their people with the Talibo scam, prostitution, outsiders, and many more.
So what is false? The only false things here—but not limited to-- are the story of Zamora and his so called tribes, the diaries, documents and testimonies, the reporter Paz, and especially the old lady Alen Beling. But even if it is false, Jessica Hagedorn creates such fictional characters that to even dismiss it as false, would be dismissing the possibility of ever having such a type of person, attitude, and existence in real life. Lets take, for example, old lady Alen Beling, who represents the ancient spirit of her people’s homeland, and compare her with many of the old Filipino people who have seen the troubles that most young people at first don’t see. How can anyone like her NOT exist? These old people should already know how shameful it is to see their country wasting away by the unguided youth and ill intentioned foreigners. Or another example would be the recorded audio tape from Paz’s mother. What ever the mother was talking about could have happened, happened, or never have happened in this world at all like when she describes how she met Paz’s father. “Purely by accident.” She says (283) How many real life people in the Philippines could say that they did this? So in essence, the way history is in Dream Jungle is cultural, personal, and ethnical subjectivism.
Jessica Hagedorn fully integrates actual history with her fiction and story telling in such a way that it’s a blend of truth, untruth, and the unknown. The possibility that even such a person, place, or thing that existed can go along so well when it is indeed fiction alongside history, is the concept of her novel, Dream Jungle. One can only dream and fantasize with the idea that such and such exists and it may not even be possible, yet it could have happened. Think of it as an equation, where the history is the formula and the variables are humans, young and old. If you replace the setting or its pieces, the history will still be the same on the account that you don’t know IF it would ever not happen. The author does just that and presents to us a story heavily based on recorded evidence and the idea of indistinguishable real life drama scenarios.

Hagedorn, Jessica. Dream Jungle. New York: Penguin. 2003

The Delgados--The Light Before We Land

2009-12-05T20:40:00.000-08:00

Speaking of Dolls, this is perfect! Just what the Gunslinger, GitS, and many other existentialist anime talks about. Just feel like this is what happens when u become...an empty shell--an empty obedient shell. But its a pretty nice idea and song if you think about it.

In cases such as these i'd like a hand
Don't wake me up without a master plan
With black & white instead of colour
Don't you understand?
When things that once were beautiful
Are bland
And when i feel like i can feel once again
Let me stay awhile
Soak it in awhile
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong
Buy a little time
For this head of me
Haven for us
In truth there is no better place to be
Than falling out of darkness still to see
Without a premonition
Could you tell me where we stand?
I'd hate to lose this light
Before we land
And when i feel like i can feel once again
Let me stay awhile
Soak it in awhile
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong
Buy a little time
For this head of mine
Haven for us
Before we let euphoria
Convince us we are free
Remind us how we used to feel
Before when life was real
And when i feel like i can feel once again
Let me stay awhileSoak it in awhile
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong
Buy a little time
For this head of mine
Haven for us

Credits to lyrics time and youtube and the band.

New Take

2009-12-05T19:01:00.001-08:00

Apparently, it appears that my style and point of view on life is changing. No more of that melodramtic teenage angst stuff. I thought it would be nice to look back at the blogs ive done and see what I have written. And oh man, its a doozy. I mean, I sound like THAT? geez..I sound soo self centered--but isnt that the point of a blog? a personal first person entry of me me me?~

My blog has taken on a new cahnge of thought. The way it is being conducted has also been cahnged..compared with 8 monthes ago...whew oh man.. x.x

What's in a Heart?

2009-12-05T18:53:00.000-08:00

whats in a heart?
nothing but a few pieces of flesh and gallons of blood.
just a little bit of spices and alotta iron.
but what else is there to it?
what is there ?
what is it?
ah, yes, "it"
the metaphysical realm.
the heart, the soul, and the emotions.
something that none of us could ever forget.
it is that which was born with us the minute we exist.
our very own existence lies within our heart beat.
with each beat, we are alive.
it is a miracle that we are even breathing right now.
with each contraction, a determination
with each breath we take, a testament against death.
With each heart beat, a miracle
nonetheless
(part two) add on 20091205
We take it for granted
Heart health is a serious issue
in fact, all your organs have been taken for granted
ever looked at your skin and realized
that it is the biggest if not the most visable external organ?
But you smoke, you plead, you stress, and you hate.
All those stuff arent spose to be inhibiting from the body
much less say capable of doing so.
But people do anyway. dealingwith the external
not realizing that its the internal
mind, body, and spirit

Farce of Life: Problems

2009-12-05T18:34:00.001-08:00

We all have problems, so why should I care? I will not be a slave to others. I will not be controlled by every beckoning and every movement of that person. To hate, to despise, is to be controlled by external forces, forcing you to be under thier spell. Your very existence will be against and always troubled by thiers, no matter what they or you are doing.

We all have our own things to do, and if we consider them as an outsider and of no importance, do we really lose sight of something? Or is it good riddance? This is the dillemma I am facing. Girls do this perfectly and some guys do this as well. "I don't care, so sorry~" "That is none of my business" "Not my problem" "uh..I would do something..but as of now, I dont care" "Matters not to me, I dont give a shit"

Is this what apathy or even whats that word in that post that Tim has deleted... But anway, its something like that... Before a good thing can show up--- it gets cut off like that especially when it is of great disitnerest to a person. But that is natural, what I want to talk is along the lines of Self-Interests..

(an off topic example) Poor girls, they always want 10/A guys, but in the end, the majority of them will find it too hard or unhappy and they settle for an 8/B guy, which may be too late since theyve all got takened. Ignorance is bliss and yet, careful timing and utter ignorance is smart, secure, bliss. When we are older, thats when we are ready--but perhaps it is bio clock ticking, maybe thats why.

(slightly back on topic)
I realize theres a whole life ahead of us especially in the 20's..but can we really be happy if we dismiss things "unworthy" now and not care? will it help? will it bite back at us?

A Contractor's Contract: A Blessing or a Curse?

2009-12-04T23:07:00.000-08:00

( MI6 Contractors working together seen above)

In the anime, Darker than Black, it features characters/people with super inhuman capabilities much like superheroes or those guys from"Heroes" (the TV series). These characters/people, however, are called Contractors and they look very well like a normal average person, except that they have powers. These powers range from ice to lightning to even time travel. But what I want to talk about is the contractor's contract, personality, and behaviors.

The contractors in DTB are much more like assassins or bodyguards or even spy agents for hire; used by other countries against other countries. They have a contract with whoever hired them and they have thier own personal contract (as of now, who knows how) which gives them their powers and terms. The terms are wierd in a way it's almost autistic or just plain harmful. Now, not all of them are equal, some may have stronger powers than others but what they all have is what the anime tries to talk about: Do contractors really feel any emotion? Contractors, themselves after entering in a contract they tend to "lose" any emotion and attachments they once had when they were "normal"--even they themselves stated this. But is this really true? Now this is where my dilemma starts.

Contractors are much, much more rational than an average person, much less say a proffessional business/lawyer/hitman. They take self-interests only to themselves and no other. (There are arguments against this such as the hidden suppression theory and the partner theory, but lets not get off hand here) They decide quickly and efficiently especially for the long run, when they will need something. They think what can be benefitial to them whatever that may be. They carry out the tasks given to them with no remorse. They have no feelings, emotions, or doubts, much less fear. They are also lifeless sometimes just like the dolls who are almost completely inanimate and rarely stimulated, save thier little movements.

Now if I or anyone to become a contractor, would it mean a better life? We would see things in more of a realist and practical view. We would also not have to worry about love, relationships, and friendships and maybe altruism.

(A Doll, seen above here)
Just thinkin of being a doll is also a comforting thing during times of distress/challenge/breakdowns. Imagine, able to stop feelin anything, and living your life out peacefully and stoically. Just think about it..enjoying every minute, every hour, and every day..kinda enlightenin like a monk isnt it? Wouldnt it be nice?

I find myself stimulated by doing everything calm, slowly with grace, and with green tea ;D

Winter Wonderland...

2009-12-04T20:33:00.000-08:00

I dont know why, I took a step forward, but only to stop when I finally have met her for the first time in person in awhile. I coudlnt even compliment her new hair and new glasses. Nor could I strike up a good conversation. But I spose that is because of the cold weather and perhaps she had something else to do.

gah..when I left, that was horrible..a poke..and then a retarded convo with brandon and then sayin bye to him and her. Hugged her, alas..but still..(at least I did something) I should have done so in the beginning...fsck...its like..I am not allowed to touch her; more like theres some kind of sacred restraint Ive placed on myself.

It was cold. I was actaulyl quite lonely. Everyone there were doin thier own thing. I had not much ppl of my circle to hang, although I did met some other 09 and other graduates, most of the kids there were all freshies and sophomores..gah...everyone was small o.o

It was cold. I can't believe I left my headlights on ><

It was cold. I needa work out....

Alas...I'm lost once again...?

High School Life

2009-11-23T17:31:00.001-08:00

Would you ever come back to your high school and like..watch the children..and like...rest and see how the next gen is? Sure, you may look like a creepy man eyein on the young..but really..theres no harmful intentions other than remininscing and observing and taking in the view of what has changed and what hasnt..

Things to Write About...2

2009-11-15T20:21:00.001-08:00

Even though we cease to exist...God still exists.

There are only beleivers and non-bleievers, therefore, the boundaries between us Catholics, Jews, Muslims, and so on are not there But at teh same time, it exists even right now, why? is it the name? the rituals? the prejudice? the pride? the fear of truth? what is it? Is it cause we just exist?

Defragment your heart, mind, and soul.

Hatred will make a slave out of you. You will be bound to the person's every whim, movement, and expression. A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys..

In the end, there are only believers and nonbeleivers. so might as well spread the news of doomsday to see if they truely are who tehy say they are. cause when things go chaotic and they know they will die, they may just go around killing and such. we dont know the exact date of the end, but its best to live and do good and spread the faith towards everything and everyone in the mean time. there is no point to even prepare doomsday. is that why theres those crazy old guys terrorizing ppl during disasters saying "repent!" and the "end of the world"?

I visited my high school today..

2009-11-04T19:25:00.001-08:00

I visited my high school today...

It was pretty nice, saw some CC ppl as they are heading off to CCS and had some teasings by Commander and Master Chief (just cause of Army affiliations). And I also managed to talk and say hi to some of my juniors--most but one :(

I came too late. She started moving yesterday and now shes in London, England. *Sighs* this sucks, i was too late! >< but alas...theres always facebook--which is prolly the only reason why it existed in the first place; to keep in touch with college peeps.

Life has been interesting lately. 1%. Time. Homesick. Maturity. Knowledge. Experience. Everythings been floating around my head...it seems I've been thinkin too much about everything at once.

YATTA!

2009-10-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I did a double wammie! I first drove myself to MEPS at Moffet Field and was terribly nervous cause I thought of getting lost, especially when ur at a strict facility area--its easy to be suspected of things. Anyway, I met up with SSG Lopez and went in. They checked me out and I was sitting there waiting. While I was waiting, there was a pretty cool girl sitting next to me and then I got called into the testing room where I will be straining every ounce of my neurons.

After the test, it was a doozy--I think I may have acted wierd in front of the test administrators. Anyway, I got out and found that same girl again, a guy who nodded at me, and a girl who was doing wierd steps on teh floor, but either way, it felt like we were all there together--brothers and sisters or something you know?

I left the building quickly and as I came out I was smiling and laughing...that I got a 90 on the ASVAB (not as good as Martin's or Albert's but..) Impressive! Unbelievable! And so I called SSG Lopez and told him about who also told Ana about it as well.

Then I drove home on the Bayshore highway, and man, did it felt like that day where I went to Victoria's pageant thing..it was an awesome peaceful feeling like ur near teh beach and the sun is setting. I got caught in traffic but i was able to see teh sights and pretty soon traffic flowed through and it felt like something out of Need For Speed Underground 2; where all the city lights, bridges, and roads all intertwine with the cars and buildings causing a breath taking urban scenery.. *.*

ITS FRIGGIN AWESOME. I think this is the point where I start loving traveling..and the Night Life >:]

To the Recruiter!

2009-10-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today, I spoke to the recruiter (FINALLY) with Analisa and Karina. It was pretty awesome. SSG Lopez was really cool and all. We discussed stuff about the Army, had my questions answered, ate, and chilled for five about hours. I took the Preemptive test and now Imma take the real ASVAB soon.

In the beginning, it was funny. I started leaving at 1117 and called ana and she walked from windys to my place--it wasnt a long wait. And so we set off towards mclaughlin and thats when karina asked us she needed a ride which i thought she was driving there herself.

It took us like a half hour to finally get to the recruiters. But it was worth it cause later after we left the office we went to jamba juice and got a good discount. ^_^o

however it was strange that tehre were cops around yerba buena high school. i guess it was thier spirit day/ special event or something and that the cops were crowd control.

ehhhhh fast post

Haibane Renmei

2009-10-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is my very first post in a while. I have been watching a shitload of animes and have concluded many thoughts about them philosophical-wise and entertainment-wise.

And I just want to start of with..Haibane Renmei.

By golly, this anime is quite the most saddest, peaceful anime I have ever seen--but then agian im really sensitive and into emotional things.

In the beginning its really interesting to see the birth and introduction of Rakka and the Haibane of Old Home. The town itself exists solely for the Haibane including the Walls, which are forbidden to be touched, and the Communicator of the Toga, who cant be spoken to unless permissed.

The everyday life in the sure-as-peaceful town is suddenly interupted by sudden questions of existentialism and a searching for a past in dreams. Rakka will soon learn how the system works and how she can help her friend be freed of her Sin.

The reason I love this anime is because I first found out that the same artist who drew for Serial Experiments Lain drew this as well--and, no kiddin. The art is soo his style and it looks fucking great!

Art may be one factor, but the style is nice too. I love peaceful animes, especially, the one that shows aspect to aspect scenes and letting the beauty of everyday life stand still and significant.

But perhaps what makes this anime memorable is the music and the sad twisted story. The music is friggin mellow and soothingly sad..it makes me wanna cry and remember all who has been involved in the anime. The Town and it's denizens, the Haibane, and the slice of life genre. People live day by day and then soon have to move on, towards something greater, leaving loved ones behind.

To conclude, this anime is friggin awesome going at only 13 episodes long. Oh, and a side note, its good to watch this in the fall/winter. I highly reccomend this and applause at the creator. Thank you Japanese people! ^_^o btw this animes in french as well which is nice--more ppl to recognize animations!

(have you noticed why all the good animes--besides OnePiece--are short? I mean, they range from 4-6 episodes to 13-26 episodes and sometimes just end there because it is the end)

Back again..

2009-09-18T00:12:00.000-07:00

It appears my need to blog urge has come back again. But I'm glad that it's coming back, because that means im contemplating and relieving stress. Hopefully I wont go erratic like i did back then when I first started blogging... It felt like I just had to clarify and condemn things to figure out the truth. However, that was because I was weak and I let myself be dominated by bitches.

This is a brief list of what I did this Summer of 2009..

Animes Watched:

Gunslinger Girl, Gunslinger Girl Il Teatrino, Welcome to the NHK, Paranoia Agent, Gantz, Rozen Maiden,

Rozen Maiden Traumend, Darker Than Black,

Animes Yet to Watch/Finish:

Code Geass, Hajime no Ippo, Shakuran no Shana, Mushi Shi, Baccano, Black Lagoon, Noir, Serial

Experiments Lain, Lucky Star, Mai-Hime, Ikigami, Le Portrait de Petit Cossette, Ouran Host Club,

Other Shows watched/watching:

Heroes season 3, a bunch of movies,

Got License/Car

Worked out

Eat

Sleep

Contemplated about Life

Became lonely

found out not lonely

started RCIA

got sick for a bit

hanged out

some social outings

summer school

befriend with great friends

learned alot

Despairity...

2009-09-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

I have been procrastinating with this post for quite awhile, but during these past few weeks; I have finally collected enough information to further write about the pinnacle of life. (3 monthes worth). In addition I realized that this'll take days to complete... No matter, It has to be done.

This summer-is-perhaps, the turning point of my life. In fact, it is the turning point of life. This is where you will go to college, where you will meet new people, where you will work and earn a living, and where you will choose what you will become. This summer is where I realized that I have no true friends, that I was paranoid of an aftermath, that I watched one of the greatest animes of all time, that I am going to college, that I am uncertain of the future, that I have been enlightened beyond my expectations, and that I...

I want to first write about friends. I have no true friends. Even my best friend isnt really so and so although we both aspire to be honorable men with values.

I realized my differences with them are as unique as my own individuality. My faith, my sentimentality, my personality, my skills, my way of kindness, my gentleness, and my way of living are all different from my friends-guy or girl. But that is to be expected since we are all different right? Or maybe I am just that different from the rest of them. I was classified as an ENFJ afterall.

During this summer, I was also paranoid at the outside world especially the motives of some certain people. Whenever I stay at home, its like I'm living under a rock with no current social news other than the TV, Internet, and whatever media I manage to get my hands on. Tony and Victoria may be going around badmouthing and ruining my reputation-but hey, its not like this hasnt happened before. As of recently, it appears Tony doesnt give a shit about me, and I spose its a good thing; that must mean he doesnt wanna bother with me anymore. But we'll never know unless we get through his head wont we? In fact, I believe his birthday passed and he made a party but i wasnt invited-no-more like his friends gave him a party with him in mind. You see, they care about him, and I find this fact interesting. And Victoria, she got together with My, I'm not sure how much his opinion has changed of me, but it seems hes affected one way or another. I am not sad that they are together, no, hopefully this time she can finally be taken care of and move on away from her past.

Speaking of past, Victoria may be the girl with a past, but it apppears I am the man with the past. I sometiems think back to a moment where its embarrassing, futile, or inevitably happening. I relive the moment, play it back again, and try to run it a different way so that next time that mistake won't happen again. I gotta stop doing that because its occuring all too much! I gotta move on, learn it, forget it, no more sorrow, sadness, or regrets. Regrets..just like with Ly. omg.

I am really sorry Ly, hountou ni gomenasai -.- I really am. I didnt mean this to happen. I was a double agent--no, a used double agent. I liked Victoria but at the same time I didnt know I was violating friendships and whatnot. I didnt even consider you or anyone elses feelings/privacy. All I did was scoop around, dig for information and relay it back to whom-I-thought-can-be-trusted Victoria. But no, in the end, after I tried helping her and going to her ChinaTown Gala, and wasting my own time, she just gets rid of me over a stupid quarrel of me and Josie in Econ. *Sighs* Projects can really mess up friendships especially when you have perfectionists on it.

Anyway, I dont expect to be truely forgiven. From this point on, I realized that I am lonely. Martin may be friendly and all but really, after all thats happened..Ly too..so is Victoria, Tony, Josie, and possibly a bunch of others that got corrupted by those two.

(Side Note: Never be a False Preacher or fall to follow your own preachings(?)-For example; Never say Love you as a Friend if the thought of becoming a lover is desperately on your mind. )

I believe this is what I needed to write all this time. Hopefully there will be more corrections, rationalizations, entertainment, and quality in my writing next time.

Take this and put it your pipe and smoke it.

Ack!

2009-08-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

Lesson # 1..?

Never leave your wallet in your car.

Summer Vacation

2009-08-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

ah, today was the last day for summer school. It was fun while it lasted. I met new people who are now friends. David, Rafeh, Jonathan, Quyen....I am especially glad to have met Noa thought. A very interesting person if ask me :]

Planned to party after turning in the Portfolio with Noa and the rest of the guys. But I also had to baby sit mother fucking kevin tran's ass. In fact, he was soo whiny today that I am amazed I didn't left him behind. David was good since he kept the humor and jokes going. The others didnt go includin Noa. Oh well, so much for my plan.

NOTE: Take 2 classes or so to get enough credits to register early.

Also, Dont get your plans mixed up with a whiny assfuckinghole. >:O

Valco fashion...go there..and around the rest of Cupertino..

It'll rain over...

2009-08-02T16:35:00.000-07:00

For it’ll rain over..
For it’ll rain over the sea
Over the summer
Over the spring time
And over me

Incomplete

Here comes the Prolific..

2009-07-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

..Thou Shalt Have a New Name! (not exactly, but more of a nickname..):

Aiden "Eagle" Hayden.

For FFUN~

2009-07-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Solving xD

cu fcuu o n,uotyyk
ah a sstjueu c sahos u mbckwyy
goave enooauamgh hnded eu y
pfsugn ucdoni kytti
t y g sluowiaosnhrs ikgeoomnuaw ne lh
nayaiyttvtic oh r ucir oisepstihc bs
toha namtnidoeftwno o gu a
eUu K FrY cptCi,hOteU
rnifor dcdttuaygalaoiesnaucna no
te p uoieshsc, yoifith

Things to Write about..

2009-07-15T20:41:00.001-07:00

*sighs* As of late I have been quite busy with summer school and with recovering from the sunburn that i foolishly gave myself. It wasn't exactly a smart idea to walk around De Anza under the hot sun for fun..

Anyway, I have had a few "SUDDEN THOUGHTS" and ideas lately to which i am suppose to write about or keep note of, but I am just too lazy to, so I'll write/jot them here for future's sake:

-Albert and Jess, a lovely couple that still needs to know how to be a couple. They get into a state of shyness and awkwardness when they are close to each other and attempting PDA or being forced by others to do PDA. But the great thing is, they get support from thier fellow friends. Kinda reminded me and my ex..but both of us never had any support especially from my friends, and no one knew how we feel, and im pretty damn sure its something like how Albert feels-- the awkwardness and the shyness...heh

-SUDDEN THOUGHTS, a coined term by me, when I have these sudden ideas and epiphanies.

-WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SEX IN MOVIES? I MEAN CMON IM GETTIN TIRED OF IT. If i wanted to watch people having sex, I can go watch porn! >:[ Everyone movie nowadays are having sex scenes, and guess what, it just doesnt make sense but it does lower our standards of a decent marriage..or advertise sex...fuck it.

-It appears a young friend of mine is also goin to college summer school with me, and little did i know how many times i've bumped into him...hehe that discreet lil kid..

-There are a lot of girls in college...

-This quote is just plain dirty bastard.."Many American parents think that today's colleges are veritable breeding grounds for premarital sex. Nonsense. Each year, literally tens of students graduate with their virtue still intact."-- Gregg Hopkins

-I Love Guilty Gear and Blazblue(this game is on sale for 60 dollars and you can get the CE for the same price! WTF I can't keep buyin games new!!) >:[
But yeah, LOVE the MUSIC!

-Games to look out and for sure getting: HALO ODST, CODMW2, GoWAFC, and Dragon Age Origins CE.

-And then there's Assassin's Creed 2, L4D2, Splinter Cell Conviction, Castle Crashers, -- gosh, soo many games, so lil time, and money! #_#

I will Possess Your Heart

2009-07-13T18:58:00.000-07:00

another song that is interesting..

I will Possess Your Heart by Deathcab for Cutie

thanks songmeanings.net

How I wish you could see the potential
The potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound
But in a language you can't read just yet

You got to spend some time, love
You got to spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your heart

You got to spend some time, love
You got to spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your heart

There are days when outside your window
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective
When we'll be lovers, lovers at last

You got to spend some time, love
You got to spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your heart

You got to spend some time, love
You got to spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart

You reject my advances and desperate pleas
I won't let you let me down so easily
So easily

You got to spend some time, love
You got to spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your heart

You got to spend some time, love
You got to spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your heart

You got to spend some time, love
You got to spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart

Be My Escape

2009-07-12T17:54:00.001-07:00

I believe this is another song that describes me as of late and also I like the song too xD

-courtesy of lyricstime

Iâ€™ve given up.
I'm giving up slowly,
Iâ€™m blending in so you wonâ€™t even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet that you mention is my one last shot at redemption
Because I know to live you must give your life away
And Iâ€™ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And Iâ€™ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And Iâ€™ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though, thereâ€™s no way in knowing where to go,
I promise Iâ€™m going because

I gotta get outta here
Iâ€™m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And Iâ€™m begging you, Iâ€™m begging you,
Iâ€™m begging you to be my escape.

Iâ€™m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause Iâ€™ve failed and Iâ€™m ready to be shown how
Heâ€™s told me the way and Iâ€™m trying to get there
And this life sentence that Iâ€™m serving
I admit that Iâ€™m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause Iâ€™ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And Iâ€™ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And Iâ€™ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though, thereâ€™s no way in knowing where to go,
I promise Iâ€™m going because

I gotta get outta here
Cause Iâ€™m afraid that this complacency is something I canâ€™t shake
I gotta get outta here
And Iâ€™m begging you, Iâ€™m begging you,
Iâ€™m begging you to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess Iâ€™ve made
And all Iâ€™m asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I canâ€™t ask you to give what you already gave

Cause Iâ€™ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And Iâ€™ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And Iâ€™ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though, thereâ€™s no way in knowing where to go,
I promise Iâ€™m going because

Iâ€™ve gotta get outta here
Iâ€™m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
Iâ€™ve gotta get outta here
And Iâ€™m begging you, Iâ€™m begging you,
Iâ€™m begging you to be my escape.

I fought you for so long
I should have let you in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were you
So were you

House Shopping

2009-07-11T17:13:00.000-07:00

House #1

-has two stories
-is very messy and dirty ( junk and stains all over the place)
- broken down garage door
- has A LOT of rooms, no master bedroom though. Each room has a closet followed by another room, whether mini or big.
-has a light green paint on the outside along with a plaster of St. Mary, possibly because it was a Mexican's house.
-Note: the front door has a nice eagle or bird carving in the middle of it.
-very comfy, cousy, low class, cute, small and in a busy commercial district
-may be hard to get out of driveway
-NEEDS ALOT OF REMODELING, RENOVATING, DECORATING, and CLEANING BUT WORTH IT IN THE END

House #2

-is VERY large horizontally.
-has no upstairs.
-has a master bedroom and 2 rooms
- has a large kitchen, dining, an living area.
-has another possible kitchen area, or for washing machine, or hardware stuff.
-no garage, but big open front space
- a LOT cleaner than the first house
-Note: this house has the same kind of front door as the first but with a spiral carving pattern
- very luxurious, very.."white".
-

gosh, i dunno why i prefer the first house though

Paragraph #2

2009-07-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

violence, internet, write something.

What is one reason why the media uses so much violent content?

Hollywood uses so much violent content with their movies because it is what most consumers want. It is statistically known that American pop culture consists of action movie violence and these action movies with violence sell, quite staggeringly. It is also known that violence in action movies are all fake, all planned and presented for the audience in mind. Our culture has gotten a taste for this fantasy violence, violence that is not real of course and so it is a popular trend. Take note that in real life, these types of violence will never happen like how the movies portray it. For example, the movie “Pulp Fiction”, “Die Hard”, and “Scarface” are now a classic part of our American culture after it premiered with great violence and destruction. Nowadays there are movies that are trying to top that level of violence, and things just seem to get better and innovative with more violent content.

Word of Whenever..

2009-07-01T19:05:00.001-07:00

For today, it is...Patience!

Learn how to be Patient!
Learn the Art of Waiting!
Learn how to control your excitement but at the same time have some excitement to stay "alive".

Quote of the Day(Mine)

2009-06-25T10:02:00.000-07:00

"Don't grow old, grow up!"

OR

"Grow up! Not grow old!.."

Assholes on the streets..2?

2009-06-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

Well actually part 1 and a 1/2... and in fact..iunno if the cop was being an asshole..

I was driving near my home, returnin to my driveway, and like..there was a cruiser behind me followin me deeply behind. It was kinda nerve racking and I was pretty chillax until i turned to my driveway. The cop just revved up and went past by as if he was pissed off and tellin me i was goin slow...right..

I believe he just had to respond to some emergency earlier ( there were fire trucks and ambulances comin towards dove hill), and so, I forgive him.

gosh, what a wonderful driving experience huh~

Side note-- I met Victoria at the library, just a glimpse, and maybe she saw me too. For some reason before I met her, I was comin out of the parking space and saw a van pullin out and it reminded me of her mom. Then I saw another van comin in and turns out that was her mom as I was turning right out to the driveway. I saw Victoria in the passenger seat too, not sure if she saw me, since I was wearin glasses. Pretty neat huh?

Assholes on the streets..

2009-06-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, Okay, you see, I was drivin', ya see? This morning was fine until I did a U turn at Tully you see? And there was this asshole that came by, revving his engine, accelerating his speed. and makin' a lot of noise, feh, he was just tryin to scare me. I wasn't even scared, hell, I didn't know he even existed until he made such a loud ruckus that didn't even flinched me ( not to brag, i didn't give a damn, its cool to be still standing after a loud Boom)

And then there was another asshole, well actually, this guy just proves that Asians are bad drivers since I stopped at my stopping line and went ahead with my turn and this guy...this guy he was clueless or somethin, thinkin' he could go forward and turn my general direction-BIG MISTAKE-. We were about to collide. He gave an expression of disapproval, I think, whatever, I don't give a fuck cause I was on an errand.

And finally, the guy that took the cake..this guy actually made me worried and get pressured. I beleive I know how it feels to be tailgated now..and not only tailgated but being honked at! Hell! this guy is like..teenager age and like he just fucking broke a bunch of rules.. I was driving down Chaboya you see and well there was a speed limit and there was multiple stop signs-- I obeyed all of them, he didn't. This guy was the biggest asshole on teh streets, with his prelude..it seems that he was tryin to compensate for something..oh well I guess I know why he was mad~

So ends the main tales of my day...fucking bitches...

Graduation!

2009-06-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

Today was the day, the day we all graduate and move on with our lives. Let me just first say, I didn't really realize the impact it made on me until I was eating dinner with my dad. The love, the memories, the companionship, and some kind of emotion greater than normal appeared to me. It may perhaps be just a tiny percentage of what God's love is, I remember feeling it before, but this cold world has made me numb, so numb that I had forgotten this feeling. This feeling of enlightenment and love was..refreshing..it made me think about God and everyone that I ever cared and should be able to care.

Thus, an epiphany was shown..

Anywho, today was Jeffrey's graduation too, unfortunately I do not know why I did not told dad about it. After Jeffrey's was mine. And it was a nice one to boot. So many people, friends, family...I guess this is where my epiphany started. I finally met Huy's sisters and family after all these years..*sighs* so nice, so wonderful, lovely..

Couldn't find my brother(s) until the end and didn't had any cammy on me except dad's (THANK GOD). Took pictures with a lot of people as much possible and hugged many of them.

and finally we went home and ate with dad. While eating, I found out that dad was just innocent, lost, and actually still a kid/ a youngun. It's hard to describe, but I saw this view before and that was several years ago. I guess if you truely see how they struggle with life, you will come to understand and become enlightened, weak, pitiful, sympathetic, and so much more...

*sighs*

without further adue, we must move on..towards greatness and success..

"We have eyes in the front of our heads, so that we can look on forward the day" but also " We are able to see other people's backs and see where they're comin' from and we can guide ourselves through others as well" -- some random selfmodified quote from Gurren Lagann.

ROTC Luau

2009-06-07T23:03:00.000-07:00

Hmm, Saturday was a mighty fun day I'd say. The unit luau was a success, minus the failure to watch a movie cause none of the systems were working, but nonetheless, there was grilled meat, food, and sugary snacks/drinks.

I've taken quite a few shots with cammy myself, even dirty ones. Speaking of dirty, DO NOT PLAY DARE/TRUTH with GIRLS. I humbly warned you.

Anywho to sum it up, Jonathan made this video...quite nicely, loved how he put a background, a slide show and a friggin video all at the same time.

Tony was being uber lazy and didn't came despite the fact that I went to his house and left with Raymund and his lil' brother.
Albert was being lazy until I somehow got Jess to persuade him.
Overall, there were few seniors there and there were mostly juniors, sophomores, and freshmans and some lil kiddies and a dog( the dog was cool because it was cute beyond all reason).
Oh, also, I wasn't about to take a shot of Master Chief, who showed up for a bit and left for his "6th" date.

Yearbooks..

2009-06-04T22:29:00.001-07:00

Gah..every year ends with a yearbook. Buying it can be a pain. But after that, getting people to sign it is hard work! Signing a year book keeps you on your toes since:

1) You need to find the person(s) you are looking for. ( You may never find them)
2) You need to think up of something to write about in a given amount of time. (It varies quite well)
3) You need to keep your yearbook safe and away from thieving hands. (Tony..lol jk)
4) Finding the right color and writing utensil for your own yearbook as well as the other person's.(This is school, Come Prepared! )
5) You may also lose some pens or gain some pens in the process of the chaotic confusion. ( I lost me blue and red sharpie >:[ )

Anywho, I am glad I got my yearbook signed by..quite an amount of people, friends, teachers, and classmates. I got to some of my favorite people,however, I am still not satisfied. I still have yet to get some other's to sign it, but I guess it cannot be helped...I am not going to school tomorrow since it is pointless now with the Senior Final Grades Finalized and such.

Gosh, I love reading everyone's comments and I am gonna miss most if not a few of them.

Peace Out!

Happy 18th..<333

2009-06-02T17:52:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday, and crud, I thought, I liked being 17...

Remember last time I wrote an entry about being 17 or so? Well..yeah..being 17 is cool and all since..iunno I just like it :P

But yeah, today Tony called me "old", and if I were those crazy girls, I'd go nuts over that remark. Age has nothing to do with being "old". It is just a number to a standard that doesn't technically exist. This standard is time if anyone is asking. But if it doesnt matter, then why do I complain about not being 17?...Well, cause..it's cool~

:D~

*sighs* I am tired right now, soo many things to do! oh, and thanks for all those who have wished me a happy birthday ^_^o<333

E3 2009

2009-06-01T16:43:00.000-07:00

It seems that everybody is excited for this. Some were disappointed, some were surprised, and some just can't wait for this to fail/come/work!.

and yes, I'm covering the 360 side..cause that's what I just saw..http://www.xbox.com/en-US/default.htm

Theres a new thing for the 360 and thats Project NATAL, which is like the state of the art video/audio recognition sensor. It may prove as dangerous as the Wii motes though..

Things to look out for:

A new accessory (NATAL)

Splinter Cell ConViction

FF13

Modern Warefare 2

L4D2

Forza Motorsport 3

Joy Ride, for your avatars

and Metal Gear Solid is back for the Xbox!! yeeah!

It appears to me that htis year's selection of games are more .."complete"..more "Solid" than last years which was like glitchy and crap. I don't mean that to all games, just some, with the exception of L4D, maybe-just maybe Fable 2, and sort of Gears 2..

Gotta Love this Song

2009-05-31T23:48:00.000-07:00

Tenacious D's Tribute

-It makes me laugh every time, but it is "oh-so-cool!". Source: lyricstime.com

[spoken]
This is the greatest and best song in the world... Tribute.

Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,
we was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome road.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the road.
And he said:
[sung]
"Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul." (soul)
[spoken]
Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other,
and we each said... "Okay."
[sung]
And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World.

Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the grass doth grow...

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his schwumpy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "(snort) Be you angels?"
And we said, "Nay. We are but men."
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best muthafuckin' song the greatest song in the world.
[Skat]
[spoken]
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound
anything like this song.
[sung]
This is just a tribute! You gotta believe me!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fuck! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find you can't stop it.
[skat]
All right! All right!

Fsck, No! Fuck!

2009-05-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

Guess what? From the depths of another philosophical discussion, arises truth...

ffrookie6 (11:26:48 PM): soo tim

ffrookie6 (11:26:51 PM): how are you gonna fsck the world

LuciferAkira (11:27:10 PM): Jackhammer

LuciferAkira (11:27:15 PM): no wait

ffrookie6 (11:27:17 PM): startin from ?

LuciferAkira (11:27:19 PM): Jackhammer dildo

ffrookie6 (11:27:26 PM): why not use ur own dick x.x

ffrookie6 (11:27:33 PM): oh and where are u gonna start to "drioll"

LuciferAkira (11:27:35 PM): nonono

LuciferAkira (11:27:45 PM): I'm going to become a cyborg

LuciferAkira (11:27:51 PM): and THEN get a jackhammer dick

LuciferAkira (11:28:05 PM): btw

LuciferAkira (11:28:07 PM): say FUCK

ffrookie6 (11:29:11 PM): LOL

ffrookie6 (11:29:14 PM): why xD

LuciferAkira (11:29:51 PM): Because "FSCK" is stupid.

ffrookie6 (11:31:15 PM): why :O

ffrookie6 (11:31:34 PM): well why censorship is stupid?

ffrookie6 (11:31:43 PM): well me censoring

ffrookie6 (11:31:44 PM): x.x

LuciferAkira (11:33:00 PM): FSCK is stupid because it does not have the same impact on people as the word FUCK.

ffrookie6 (11:33:56 PM): hmm

ffrookie6 (11:34:01 PM): true

ffrookie6 (11:34:28 PM): ever tried saying FUCK! 5 times?

LuciferAkira (11:34:46 PM): When someone deliberately censors himself online with shit like F*ck, they're half-assing the quality of their writing and come across as childish than threatening

LuciferAkira (11:35:02 PM): Yeah, I do it all the time in COD4.

ffrookie6 (11:35:39 PM): lol

ffrookie6 (11:35:42 PM): dang tim

ffrookie6 (11:35:44 PM): soo you're saying

ffrookie6 (11:35:50 PM): i should just be explicit with my work

ffrookie6 (11:35:59 PM): as it was intended to be

ffrookie6 (11:36:12 PM): erm writing

LuciferAkira (11:36:25 PM): Uh, yeah. Don't pussyfoot.

ffrookie6 (11:37:39 PM): hmm

ffrookie6 (11:37:42 PM): alright

ffrookie6 (11:37:47 PM): but what if someone finds it offensive?

LuciferAkira (11:39:11 PM): Fuck 'em. It's just a word. Besides if you're honest enough then it'd be easier to correct yourself when you think you've made a mistake.

ffrookie6 (11:39:50 PM): ohh?

LuciferAkira (11:41:22 PM): The white man who gets his ass beaten by a bunch of black dudes for yelling "nigger" will learn more than the white kid who softens it with stupid shit like "nukka".

LuciferAkira (11:41:46 PM): Besides, it's context that matters.

ffrookie6 (11:42:30 PM): LOL

ffrookie6 (11:42:31 PM): wow

ffrookie6 (11:42:31 PM): well

ffrookie6 (11:42:35 PM): what if someone

ffrookie6 (11:42:36 PM): passin by

ffrookie6 (11:42:42 PM): who is very "sensitive"

ffrookie6 (11:42:48 PM): and then condemns me

LuciferAkira (11:42:49 PM): Fuck 'em

ffrookie6 (11:42:50 PM): for bein

ffrookie6 (11:42:52 PM): insensitive

ffrookie6 (11:43:02 PM): and then I get villainfied

ffrookie6 (11:43:06 PM): or something

LuciferAkira (11:46:07 PM): Fuck 'em. If you feel bad, then say sorry and try to make up for it. Otherwise, forget 'em if they can't accept your apologies because they've made it their issue now and you can't do shit to change that. Honesty will always get the clearer picture than tactfulness and passive-aggressive bullshitting.

ffrookie6 (11:46:52 PM): ahahaha

ffrookie6 (11:46:57 PM): i'm chuckling

ffrookie6 (11:47:01 PM): right on tim

ffrookie6 (11:47:05 PM): xD

ffrookie6 (11:47:20 PM): you've translated this into words quite well

ffrookie6 (11:47:29 PM): i had a feelingabout this but didnt know how to describe

ffrookie6 (11:47:38 PM): but you..you just spoke the truth

LuciferAkira (11:49:17 PM): I just speak honestly, that's kind of a quirk of mine. I only speak deceptively if I want to make a profit.

ffrookie6 (11:49:25 PM): aha

ffrookie6 (11:49:38 PM): i speak deceptively..because...hmm i dont know..maybe other's sensitivity?

ffrookie6 (11:49:43 PM): i should stop sugar coating

LuciferAkira (11:52:05 PM): Probably because you're an NF. If it feels unnatural and forced then switch gears to find a way to express things naturally.

ffrookie6 (11:52:16 PM): hmm

ffrookie6 (11:52:24 PM): no it feels natural to blurt it all out

ffrookie6 (11:52:29 PM): but I've got to play it smart

ffrookie6 (11:52:31 PM): maybe thats why

ffrookie6 (11:52:39 PM): confidentiality and what not

LuciferAkira (11:52:48 PM): Thinking and grammar checking doesn't hurt either.

ffrookie6 (11:52:59 PM): hmm yeah

ffrookie6 (11:53:13 PM): but most of the time my entries are just what I thought up of due to my impulsive thots

ffrookie6 (11:53:21 PM): and soo i dont publish a neat article like thing

ffrookie6 (11:53:22 PM): as you do

LuciferAkira (11:54:17 PM): I keep all of my impulsiveness in my notebook

LuciferAkira (11:54:22 PM): I flesh them out in my blog

ffrookie6 (11:54:24 PM): as do i

ffrookie6 (11:54:37 PM): and yet my impulsiveness

ffrookie6 (11:54:40 PM): are sometimes short

ffrookie6 (11:54:42 PM): too short

ffrookie6 (11:54:49 PM): to be made into a clear article entry

LuciferAkira (11:55:00 PM): Then don't write a bunch of paragraphs

LuciferAkira (11:55:03 PM): write a line

ffrookie6 (11:55:15 PM): and then several secodns later i get hit with another one either irrelevent or not

LuciferAkira (11:55:58 PM): One succinct line is better than a bunch of indecipherable sentences.

ffrookie6 (11:56:07 PM): true

ffrookie6 (11:56:09 PM): heh

ffrookie6 (11:56:09 PM): well

ffrookie6 (11:56:19 PM): maybe i needed to just brain dump

ffrookie6 (11:56:22 PM): to get it down at least

LuciferAkira (11:56:25 PM): Rule of Comedy: Build up, build up, punchline.

ffrookie6 (11:56:25 PM): cause i may forget

ffrookie6 (11:56:32 PM): ohh?

LuciferAkira (11:56:32 PM): Best jokes are kept short

ffrookie6 (11:56:49 PM): speakin of comedy

ffrookie6 (11:56:56 PM): i watched the gong show during Fanime

LuciferAkira (11:56:58 PM): If possible make every line a punchline.

ffrookie6 (11:57:17 PM): yes I went to Fanime, it was..freaky...but cool cause of Dead Fantasy and Haloid

ffrookie6 (11:57:23 PM): there was also hentai hour

ffrookie6 (11:57:26 PM): at 12 am

LuciferAkira (11:57:31 PM): Wtf

ffrookie6 (11:57:32 PM): but i wasnt 18 and had to leave at 1

ffrookie6 (11:57:35 PM): am

LuciferAkira (11:57:35 PM): That sounds gross

ffrookie6 (11:57:37 PM): LOL

ffrookie6 (11:57:41 PM): i know

LuciferAkira (11:58:07 PM): "Hentai hour" should be kept at home

ffrookie6 (11:58:15 PM): Haloid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL-mR79GErU

LuciferAkira (11:58:16 PM): with your ten sex slaves

ffrookie6 (11:58:21 PM): watch it, its FSCKING AWESOME

ffrookie6 (11:58:24 PM): i mean FUCK

ffrookie6 (11:58:25 PM): ING

ffrookie6 (11:58:29 PM): xD

LuciferAkira (11:58:46 PM): You'll get the hang of it in time'

ffrookie6 (11:58:52 PM): Nothings better than Samus versus Spartan

ffrookie6 (11:58:57 PM): from Halo 3 and Metriod Prime

ffrookie6 (11:59:31 PM): well maybe Dead Fantasy's Tifa, Yuna, and Rikku versus Ayane, Kasumi, and Harumi

ffrookie6 (12:00:15 AM): k i got it

LuciferAkira (12:01:04 AM): lol nice

ffrookie6 (12:01:09 AM): keep watchin..

ffrookie6 (12:01:21 AM): and then search up dead fantasy 1 and 2

LuciferAkira (12:01:54 AM): Analyzing... Me: Analyzing WHAT? .....MASSIVE

ffrookie6 (12:02:14 AM): LOL

ffrookie6 (12:08:06 AM): hows it so far?

LuciferAkira (12:08:14 AM): Lesbian sex.

ffrookie6 (12:08:31 AM): yeah kinda wierd how the spartan orgasmed when he saw samus in her other suit

ffrookie6 (12:08:44 AM): and then in teh end its a girl

ffrookie6 (12:08:45 AM): xD

LuciferAkira (12:10:07 AM): Meh, I just thought it was a boner or premature ejaculation

LuciferAkira (12:10:11 AM): but women makes more sense

LuciferAkira (12:10:26 AM): more fluid would cause an electric discharge

ffrookie6 (12:11:13 AM): LOL

ffrookie6 (12:12:30 AM): btw MW2 trailers out

ffrookie6 (12:12:32 AM): looks more intense

LuciferAkira (12:15:42 AM): http://forums.intpcentral.com/showpost.php?p=1119982&postcount=1

LuciferAkira (12:17:20 AM): That was the best post I've read in ages. Didn't make any sense whatsoever though.

ffrookie6 (12:19:11 AM): i dont get it eithery

From now on, I'll be explicit...enough..will you?

F****

2009-05-25T23:12:00.001-07:00

For some reason I have such a rage against Mal! WHY!? WHY!? I dont get it! So much rage that billows within me that I feel like I must Pound his very essence to the ground, to fsckin' dust!

aargh!! Perhaps I have had it with the annoyance. It makes me feel sick. The man who hath Judged better be quick to be Judged.. and they say I was the nosy one...

*sighs* Lo and behold the violator, the descrecrator, and the tempter are all in one! Such a nice combination against a Chaotic, Neutral, and Lawful good.

My thoughts are becoming erratic again, this is not good, the truth sometimes hurts, but it has to be done so there won't be a next time...

A Lesson

2009-05-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

Never confess your sins to the wrong person...

better yet, never confess your heart to the wrong person..

Some thoughts

2009-05-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

I have been finally able to confirm that the blog wars DID commenced, but it's not safe to say that it is over.

Mal Yont's finally revealed his secret weapon, codenamed: Linong Xhing, or Topsglob for short. And also it is confirmed that it is indeed his...BUT who cares?

I've finally gotten this out of my system. I was a fool. And it may have costed friendship, but I guess it was worth it. Foolishness, Foolishness...

And now, I move on. My heart has already been shattered way before all this Drama Dama has happened, so there's no harm done.

what else was there...

hmm, I realize that I rationalize more than I realized. Yep. Emotions+Logic mix. And I mean that hysterically. One minute full of emotions, the next judging yourself, but if you step back and see how Mal sees it, It makes perfect sense! Behold the even bigger scope of the foolishness and uselessness of mankind's needs and thoughts! It is such a new exhilarating point view and yet it makes me embarrassed. Oh well, God knows us more than we do, therefore, why should we be embarrassed? Just keep in good faith.

Read me like a book.

post?

2009-05-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since my last post. I don't know how many have read it..but I hope I got the message out. There are still many more things to do but it may not involve them...

I have been invited to the Night of Honors thing, don't know much about it.

My thoughts are quiet now, not raging vehemently like the weeks before. I feel calm now. More subtle, but just as tired.

I am not happy..

2009-05-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

I may have gotten the 1tb at FRYS for 90 dollars and I got excited for a bit, until I started remembering my refgrets. Oh the Horrible Regrets!

I am NOT HAPPY, maybe just apathetic, but not content with the current situation.

Sure, I may have done her wrong, in fact I really did. She didn't deserve this. Am I a bad person? Or was I so caught up in the moment? I was reckless...I was betrayed..This time I'll never let it happen again.

Never hold onto too many secrets and burdens than you can handle, otherwise foolishness and ignorance will teach you a horrible lesson, one that costs friendships. Never trust anyone with your heart, and your secrets, and especially other's secrets.

And another thing, I am tired of dealing with these "Drama Damas". I am Tired! Sick! And just to make it worse, I cannot reconcile because it is nearly "impossible" due to their "mindsets".

I am sorry Eisoj, I'll let it go now, you seem so much more fun and lively when you dont ostracize me. Now just officially forgive me and everything will be alright. And no, this is reconciliation so I mean no harm. In fact, I mean no harm to anyone.

I am sorry Tony. ( fill in blank here)

I am sorry Dancer. I went too far and well it's MY mistake. Never dig up broken hearts~

and of course...Koranma, I am truly sorry, I know you wont forgive me for years to come, but I am DONE with this "Drama Dama". PERIOD. Never again, will I do that again.

It's the end of the year now and I don't want all of us to keep fighting or having malice and animosity towards each other. It's OVER. Let us see the truth and reconciliation that we all can do, especially me. I want Peace. I want Friendship. And I want benevolence.

In other words, I am lettin' it all go~ and I hope in time things will come to let go as well.

Wish List Items

2009-05-14T19:19:00.001-07:00

Everyone wants something since humans are materialistic, but for me, I try not to..and soo I made a list with the most pragmatic reasons:

Sporty Earphones ( to run without them falling off in quality and movement)

A better MP3 player, sporty kind preferred, or with sporty case.

An external Hard Disk Drive to store and backup data.

A 120 gb hdd for the 360 to store DLC and games.

and I guess that is all really for right now :/

Survival Kits

2009-05-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

I have received two very thoughtful "AP Survival Kits" within the past week, and well, it made me think about making my own. It's actually quite helpful in the future for emergencies and whatnot.

One survival kit was from CSF(California Scholarship Federation) and it was..somewhat messy, but nonetheless cool. The supplies were: a pint bottle of water, CSF pen, study tips, lucky penny, chewey bar, marbles, and an AP stress relief/ party toy ( mine was a quacker), all in a small brown paper bag.

Meanwhile the ones from my AP Stats teacher was UBER AWESOME. It had: FOUR TRIPLE A BATTERIES (How Cool is That!?), a large ergonomic bottle with nozzle, two lead pencils, and a chewy bar, all in a clear plastic ziplock bag.

Btw My Math teacher's baby was born on Friday; Aaron William Wong ;D

Anywho, now I am motivated to make my own "Survival Kit", but of course, everyone should have one already right? Right?

Okay, First off, we must decide what kind of "Pack" we should make. A small quick to go one? A Medium for a day's survival? or a Large one for immobility? What is it for basically. But either way, theres many variations, and I will just list what I'd prefer to make. Secondly, we must decide how to contain and organize it. And lastly we must figure out WHERE to place the kit(s) in case of emergencies.

For a quick school/test day pack I'd go: two #2 pencils w/ sharpener or lead pencils, an eraser, water bottle, and folder with paper and post-its.

For an AP pack: two #2 pencils/ lead pencils, eraser, water bottle, batteries for calculator, snacks, and a plastic ziploc to carry it all.

For small emergencies pack: First Aid Kit, water, knife, note cards, pencil/pen, and flashlight.

For medium emergencies pack: FAK, water, knife, flashlight, paper, pen/pencil, matches, snacks, and flashlight.

For Large emergencies: FAK, H20, Knife and Weapon(preferably a gun), paper, pen/pencil, matches, food(MRE's work well), clothes, durable gear, batteries, gas, and flashlight.

These are just the basics, I haven't thoroughly covered everything because of individual preferences and complicated variations. Now these packs can be placed throughout the house; specifically next to a window, bedside, door, and many places where it is easy to know, grab, and go in case of emergencies. I won't go into weaponry and strategic placements for now.

Poly-ticks

2009-05-07T20:57:00.000-07:00

Ah, so far, I haven't been makin' much progress with politics especially since I have been sidetracked with personal/ philosophical stuff the past month of May.

Anywho, I am hoping to return to a state of "normalcy" and that I can return my thoughts back into logical, organized, and more of a well "defined" entry, like I have for the past 3 days..err..somewhat >_>

As of late, there seems to be a defect in the Senate, a welcoming visitation for the Democrats, by an ex Jewish(correct me if I'm wrong and yes I forgot his name) Republican Senator of NY.

Our Governator proposed legalizing Marijuana today, erm, the other day, I think..
I haven't gotten the whole story on this issue yet, and yes I know it has been proposed before in other places, but this is the first time in awhile that it was nationally proposed and is so far the only "cure" to our State's poor economic state. If these pot gets legalized, we would be able to see more smoking of those in public however I think that itself may be a violation of public health or something--legislation please T.To And also it would stop the druggy wars for the druggy addicts and druggy persons in authority. Note: crack cocaine is a different story. We would also be able to gain a lot, well thats the point of the proposition, of money through taxing these "potheads". If its able to "save" our state's budgets and "refund" education and balance some stuff enough to "remove some money" away from the prisons/incarcenerations, that would be a GOOD THING. *sighs* I have a plan, but I need to be Governor in order to do it....doushi o suru~ :/

Democrats...they may be in power for..another 40 years as claimed by this one dude who even wrote a book about it. But either way, it appears theyll be in power for quite awhile because of the rise of a new--well actually not new but very very active and controversial-- "civil rights action" aptly known as.."Gay Marriage"..Rights.. This issue will test America to the CORE! Will we be divided between the Traditional God Worshiping America (no offense to any other religion) and the new youthful generation with a high sense of indestructiblity, youth, hope, and love? Will we resolve this issue? In fact, who the hell started this issue in the first place? Next thing you know it will be marrying dogs! I hope all Religions and Religious people take a stand against this, becuase it was not meant to be for the same sex marriages.

OMAE WA SHINJIRU!!

2009-05-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to expand more on this on an older post, but....I guess this speaks for itself..

Oh, yeah, 'nuff said. xD

A brief description about Kamina and his belief: Kamina is a man who knows how to be a man and knows right from wrong. He can be idiotic buffoon sometimes, maybe because he leaps before he even sees where he can land! His philosophy is clearly presented in his ever catchy speeches throughout the anime.

"Go beyond the impossible and kick reason to the curb! That's the Gurren-dan way!" This is his style and this is his motivational encouragement...thing.... "Listen up, Simon. Don't forget. Believe in yourself. Not in you who believe in me. Not in me who believe in you. You should believe... you should believe in yourself!"

And last but not least, with his stylish shades, and his signature attack, which justifies his break the unbreakable mindset is "GIGA... DRILL... BREAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"A drill is a man's romance!"- Lucky Star

A Psychopathic Vent[Rage]

2009-05-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

Don't you get it? Don't you see what you're doing!?

You're trying to make an enemy, a villain out of a nice guy--OUT OF ME! Is that it huh? You have

nothing else but stupid reasons, thinking that I am more superior then you, well sorry if that is

how it sounds like. I just think things through, the more peaceful and indirect flexible way. Maybe

that's why it seems like I am trying to take control. And you don't like that. You don't like to be

under someone else's control, well you know what? so do I. But another thing is, I don't LIKE to

control people or you. You, hoever, have issues, and I know you will argue about that as well like

how you, too, aren't controlling-- " I never said I was this was that or was right nyah nyah nyah~".

That is all you can do. Defend yourself in every way, whether if its the right way or not, you jsut

want the fuckign last word, well I want it too, but I want peace, dont you see? thats the difference

between me and you... ;D..

I see the better things, I don't like quarrels, especially with you. You fight me as if I was The

Enemy. I Am Not, You are seriously mistaken. I am scared, scared of what I'll do to you...my

psychopathic rage knows no bounds, but my good side--my "nice" side--blunts the wrath and in the end

I hurt myself internally. So with every fight, I hurt myself twice as much as you, internally and

externally.

I may have lost a fight to you, but its the fact that I lost, because I've won. and I've won against

you because I Lost..

Let me put it in another way: "....I won, becuase I lost, and I lost because I've won....."

A Philosopher's Discussion

2009-05-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

"Just as eating against one's will is injurious to health, so is study without a liking for it spoils the memory, and it retains nothing it takes in." - Leonardo Da Vinci

ffrookie6 (10:19:44 PM): nice quote
LuciferAkira (10:21:05 PM): Yeah, It sums up what I think about school and college.
ffrookie6 (10:21:51 PM): yep
ffrookie6 (10:21:57 PM): but yeah our school system is built
ffrookie6 (10:21:58 PM): so we can have
ffrookie6 (10:22:01 PM): as much contact
ffrookie6 (10:22:06 PM): with these "subjects"
ffrookie6 (10:22:13 PM): and from tehn on along with our live experience
ffrookie6 (10:22:26 PM): we get to choose our fav subjects
ffrookie6 (10:22:27 PM): and etc
ffrookie6 (10:22:36 PM): but then agian it sometimes screws us over
ffrookie6 (10:22:40 PM): like senioritis
LuciferAkira (10:28:33 PM): Senioritis is the chemo, public school is the cancer. The main reason for "Senioritis" is imbalanced "interest", that is, you are more interested in doing one activity over another. Most of the skills I have is less from school and more from pursuing the things I'm interested in outside.
ffrookie6 (10:29:05 PM): chemo?
LuciferAkira (10:29:14 PM): cure
ffrookie6 (10:29:37 PM): i understand and agree with what you're sayin cause its similar to what i said
ffrookie6 (10:29:39 PM): but i dont get
ffrookie6 (10:29:41 PM): how it is the cure
LuciferAkira (10:30:23 PM): It's a cure to my learning problem.
ffrookie6 (10:31:12 PM): LOL
ffrookie6 (10:31:19 PM): ah so thats ur own added preference
ffrookie6 (10:31:27 PM): well to me, it is just an added problem
LuciferAkira (10:31:46 PM): For what?
ffrookie6 (10:32:42 PM): hmm
ffrookie6 (10:32:44 PM): wait
ffrookie6 (10:32:47 PM): its a problem...
ffrookie6 (10:33:21 PM): for those who stopped being interested in certain things
ffrookie6 (10:33:22 PM): and well
ffrookie6 (10:33:28 PM): its jsut conflict of interests and priorities
ffrookie6 (10:33:32 PM): hence senioritis
ffrookie6 (10:34:32 PM): crap its hard to explain
ffrookie6 (10:34:41 PM): maybe the idea of having too many
ffrookie6 (10:34:45 PM): choices and subjects
ffrookie6 (10:34:56 PM): leads to the hesitation and indecisiveness
ffrookie6 (10:34:59 PM): of students
ffrookie6 (10:35:03 PM): causing senioritis
ffrookie6 (10:35:04 PM): bleh
LuciferAkira (10:36:05 PM): It's a conflict of doing what you have to do and doing what you want to.
ffrookie6 (10:36:15 PM): yepyep
ffrookie6 (10:36:22 PM): i feel like gaming now
ffrookie6 (10:36:26 PM): but i think i have hw
ffrookie6 (10:36:30 PM): and stuff for AP tests this week
LuciferAkira (10:38:25 PM): Which one is more fun in context?
ffrookie6 (10:38:34 PM): gaming to reduce stress
ffrookie6 (10:38:43 PM): but studying may help me remember things
ffrookie6 (10:38:51 PM): and doin hw will kinda bolster my grade
ffrookie6 (10:38:57 PM): i have a conflict of itnerst
LuciferAkira (10:38:59 PM): Do you have any fun studying?
ffrookie6 (10:38:59 PM): between 3 things
ffrookie6 (10:39:03 PM): LOL
ffrookie6 (10:39:05 PM): ohh man
ffrookie6 (10:39:07 PM): ur funny
ffrookie6 (10:39:08 PM): xD
LuciferAkira (10:39:13 PM): Nope?
ffrookie6 (10:39:17 PM): no not really
LuciferAkira (10:39:30 PM): You'll have to make it fun then
ffrookie6 (10:39:31 PM): this is almost like another version of hedonism
LuciferAkira (10:39:49 PM): because you can't remember shit as good if it wasn't fun.
ffrookie6 (10:39:57 PM): yepyep
ffrookie6 (10:40:00 PM): learning is FUN
LuciferAkira (10:40:00 PM): Right now
LuciferAkira (10:40:04 PM): I don't feel like gaming
LuciferAkira (10:40:21 PM): Reading this book:
LuciferAkira (10:40:32 PM): http://lowryhousepublishers.com/tlh_excerpts.htm
LuciferAkira (10:40:38 PM): is much more fun right now
ffrookie6 (10:40:47 PM): I think i should go relax by reading twilight
ffrookie6 (10:40:50 PM): yes, twilight
LuciferAkira (10:43:01 PM): Also, Hedonism doesn't always mean you're pursuing instantaneous gratification just a higher concentrated form of gratification. The big problem with that is you can't predict when you will be happy--that's all in your head.
ffrookie6 (10:43:29 PM): so you found Hedonism's flaw
LuciferAkira (10:44:47 PM): In classical hedonism, yeah, but today people just think it's instant gratification.
ffrookie6 (10:48:45 PM): <-- classifcal
ffrookie6 (10:48:53 PM): im a man of traditional standards
ffrookie6 (10:48:54 PM): soo eyah

LuciferAkira (10:49:11 PM): Guy Francon
ffrookie6 (10:49:14 PM): ?
ffrookie6 (10:49:21 PM): what about him
LuciferAkira (10:49:36 PM): So, you're Guy Francon? :P
ffrookie6 (10:50:53 PM): not quite
ffrookie6 (10:51:02 PM): im more of a liberal conservative
ffrookie6 (10:51:07 PM): or a conservative liberal
ffrookie6 (10:57:16 PM): or better yet
ffrookie6 (10:57:22 PM): the "lawful good"
ffrookie6 (10:57:23 PM): ;D

LuciferAkira (10:57:32 PM): Lol ok
ffrookie6 (10:57:40 PM): I really am arent I?
ffrookie6 (10:57:41 PM): it really shows
ffrookie6 (10:57:44 PM): on my fable account
ffrookie6 (10:57:45 PM): xD
LuciferAkira (10:58:45 PM): No, it doesn't. You kill people with me when the cameras are off.
LuciferAkira (10:59:13 PM): :P
ffrookie6 (11:00:36 PM): LOL
ffrookie6 (11:00:39 PM): yeah..
ffrookie6 (11:00:47 PM): soo therefore i was right
ffrookie6 (11:01:03 PM): i am a combination of lawful good, neutral good, and chaotic good xD
LuciferAkira (11:01:15 PM): "They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve."-Joker
ffrookie6 (11:02:11 PM): lol whats that for
LuciferAkira (11:03:35 PM): Compare it with what I just said.
ffrookie6 (11:06:52 PM): soo you're tellin me that even tho I am good to these people, in the state of chaos, they will just be as savages?

LuciferAkira (11:07:50 PM): What do the guards do to bandits? They kill them.
ffrookie6 (11:08:57 PM): mhm
LuciferAkira (11:13:01 PM): They give you praise for killing bandits which makes them really no better than the bandits. It's also worse than being the killer themselves because they don't have the experience of taking a life. They don't even know how tough it is, yet they're praising the death.
LuciferAkira (11:13:41 PM): That's why Batman has his one rule.
ffrookie6 (11:14:09 PM): yeah i know huh, why dont they take up arms and kill them themselves?
ffrookie6 (11:14:13 PM): meanwhile
ffrookie6 (11:14:18 PM): they are using us as ascapegoat
ffrookie6 (11:14:21 PM): we commited a sin
ffrookie6 (11:14:24 PM): by killin
ffrookie6 (11:14:28 PM): but we were ordered to
ffrookie6 (11:14:32 PM): and we happily followed
ffrookie6 (11:14:40 PM): and also we putted our lives at stake
ffrookie6 (11:14:50 PM): and they think killing bandits are fun
ffrookie6 (11:15:04 PM): which was why thebandits kinda complained "hey he had a family too!"
LuciferAkira (11:15:22 PM): Well, killing bandits in Fable II IS supposed to be fun, but it gets boring quick.
ffrookie6 (11:15:24 PM): i love how they have the irony and the farce and those obvious mentionings by the characters themselves
ffrookie6 (11:15:39 PM): you heard how bandits talked right? complained? etc
ffrookie6 (11:15:43 PM): and yes it is boring
ffrookie6 (11:15:46 PM): this fable
ffrookie6 (11:15:48 PM): is alot shorter
ffrookie6 (11:15:51 PM): than the first imo
LuciferAkira (11:16:23 PM): That's because the first had a MANA bar to stop you from spamming spells...sort of.
ffrookie6 (11:18:56 PM): lol

The Great Chains..

2009-05-03T18:45:00.001-07:00

There always had been an internal and external force, a reason as to why I never did things or something, but there are also a time where fate comes in. It may come as an external or internal force and may act as one. However, after a while, it seems like a force to me, like it was meant to be. --It had to be done. For the sake of myself and the others.

Ever heard the term "If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be"? Well, now I am starting to understand. "The Great Chain" as Andrew Ryan calls it, is like the "The Invisible Hand" of the Market, and it binds and moves us all. We are all in a path, we may have will just barely enough to switch templates called destiny. But in the end God guides as all. It is in our DNA, and the environment which affects our DNA, which makes things predictable and sets our fate.

A good example of this would be our adaptation to the current situation to ensure survival. Send us through boot camp, we will be a changed man. Born as an underclass, then you will only be spreading more gangs, drugs, and poverty. Born in the wilds, you will only be a Tarzan and so on.

The signs also has been there. There are also signs that could raise red flags and foreshadow something. I have seen it coming, and knew it, but I was optimistic and now the only problem is that I trusted in the the devil's right hand. The source of the problem must be withing that "person" and me...

Which brings me up to another point, what if one's unhappiness is triggered by themselves and solely themselves? Like bad things happened, and it wouldn't have happened if the person was more this or that or preventive you know? *sighs* This subject brings up the idea of Hedonism, where one makes choices to suffer minimal amounts of pain to increase happiness. But my point is, what if it was one's own self faults that made him deserve to be punished like this?

No, this is completely out of our hands here..

Thought and Self Analysis

2009-05-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

I got caught....I didn;t defend myself....Why?...Was there no explaination to be told? What was I really doing? Was it boredom? I have compromised myself. There is no way out but straight through.

.. Giga. Drill. Breaker..

I suppose I have been bored for too long and recklessly played overlord. I have not been thinking clearly lately. Are these things happening, my fault?

I believe I have ruined something with Victoria, because now I can't go back to her for help. I have destroyed a section of my network. I feel as if my army of greatness has been compromised because of my own selfish doings. And yet I still stand as if I am the "good" guy with values. Truth is, I actually am and yet I tagle myself in these things. Why? Humans are so wierd. I am so contradictary. Forgive me Victoria... Screw you Tony; our friendship has been compromised long ago, this is just a revival of it. And damn those who misunderstand or betray me.

-edit- Little did he know, or he may have ignored, I was seeking reconciliation and it seems that a handful of troubling events appeared and has sunken the effort(s). *sighs* like I said before Tony, I'm sorry about the girl thing, but that was then, this is now, you know you want to move on but you just can't, even I don't know why.

I have not betrayed anyone. I am merely an active neutral character. As some may have seen, I tend to hesitate, alot, giving the impression I'm slow or what not. This is due to my traumatic experience that still contunues to this day. What would you do when you are a good obedient child being in the middle of a parent's domestic violence? Who will you choose to listen to? Who will you please? What will you do to stop all this chaos, this violence, this...fighting?

I chose..Both. I have always tried to compromise with both sides. My mother's iron rights and my father's stubborness and stupidity. I respect my elders. I wanted peace. I wanted all this fighting to stop! I dont want to attack my enemy, not that I am intimidated, but by consequences. My enemy and I may lose something in the middle of the fight and I might unleash the psychopathic wrath that I have kept deep down inside... Savagery at it's finest I'd say.

Again, I'm sorry Victoria. I beleive I was probing again; this time worse. My angst may have went too far. I just wanted to know why so much that I didn't realize I was hurting and violating you. Feh, am I no different than the Violator? I'm sorry, I guess I was being selfish, inconsiderate, and blind.

Translating thoughts into language may be a factor as to why I get misunderstood so easily. I know things, I feel things, I sense things. I am very sensitive so I get hit first emotionally. My analytical and observational skills are quite sharp and yet sometimes I am the blind fool... Har,Har.

I just noticed, why didn't I write what happened with Tony today? I wrote about mainly Victoria and me.. Oh, yeah, he is not a problem closest to "home" although he lives a block away..
Tony was pissed today becuase of my naivity. All I did was repeat what he had shallowly said about my date to Linda. Anyway, Tony tells me that I should keep my observations to myself? Hell, he's the one that started opening his smart ass.

Let us not be enemies and spoil the moment, Let us all enjoy the Senior Ball. God help us all.

O Sleep!

2009-04-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

Oh

Sleep dear, sleep dear, sleep dear...

oh

sleep dear sleep dear sleep dear..

O'er

The night wanes
The Great Dane...

He who hath not slept
may find insomnia inviting..
Drowsy debt
Lust a-biting...

The virgins and the cockles
will lose purity
at the stroke of midnight

Sinful haste
deliberately makes
Shorum Gorum
ejaculate paste...

poor madam..
her face is caked..

ohh look at all the icing..

Oh the things they do for love..

2009-04-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

Ohh...The Things they do for love...

that phrase just explains ...nearly everything :O

how..immense..deep..powerful....you can go on forever with that topic! D:

..what a relief..?...

Build Character 2

2009-04-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have forgotten to mention this from the earlier post, but there is something known as a "build character". Yes, it is a word/phrase I just made up. But a build character means that its "that form" or "ideal kind of character" such as Horatio being the "ideal character". Crap this is hard to explain...well people from all over the centuries have been writing stories and buildin' on top of each other and finding new and original creations.

There can only be so many characterizations for a character and so the plot has to be twisted and designated for a specific purpose, you know? Take for instance, genres. You will always have romances, mystery, conspiracy, and middle earth stories. They all need "something" to be that "genre". And well..most of the time it's the same thing. So in turn, throughout time, stories get retold, refined, and always points back to it's allusions.

And here are the build characters, and yes, they sound like titles or aliases. Cliches are also noted along with the character spectrum. Now which one will you pick?

The Great Hero/The Beowulf/The Superman/ The invincible/ The unbeatable/
The Joker/The Comedian/ The Jester/The one who can judge and speak the truth/
The Smart character/ The Brainiac/The Ace student
The Idiot/ The lovable character/ The main Character
The Heroine/ The Mistress
The Spy/ The Conspirator/ The man behind the scenes
The Boss/ The king pin/ Keysor soze/ The Mastermind/ The L
The Strong girl/
The supporting character/
The Explorer/ The seeker of truth/ The obsessed/ The one who is seeing the truth/ The one who Has seen the truth/ The great all seeing person/ The blind one/
The Id/Ego/Superego/ The whiny character/ The mentally crushed/ The psychopath
The Dark Knight/ The scapegoat/ The responsible one/ The justified one/
The strong willed/
The jumper/
The observer/
The Ideal/
The martyr/

That is it for now, whew.

Build Character, Then We'll Talk..

2009-04-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

Characters, characters, characters...they are all around us. Characters could be like a Kanji, a Japanese character, a Chinese character, personality traits, motives, and more.

What I am talking about his what defines one's role. In every story, there are characters that plays a big role in the big plot arch and makes the story interesting with their actions, emotions, and irony. I love characters and plot archs with a twist.

These "characters" or "personae" go waaayyyy back. Back to the times when man started writing down although oral traditions were even older. Well, whatever was left surviving today was because of oral or written dialogues. But I digress.

The Bible is an example of one of the oldest text with characters; I won't go more into this because I have not learned Scriptures yet.

Another example would be the classics such as Greek Tragedies, Shakespeare's Hamlet, Dante's Divine Comedy, and many more. They are the basis of modern day literature if you asked me. Everything came from other things. Allusions to one another. For instance, those classics has reference to the Bible, and today's works, although they became classics, has allusions back to those ancient classics and the Bible as well. ( A side note: I heard Twilight is and will become an instant classic for all to read just like the ancients, I doubt it. It just really redefined fantasy and romance--wait, no what am I saying? It just uses the genre and plots to the max, okay I give up defending.)

As I said before I love characters and twisted plots especially ones that include philosophical, religious, conspirical, and original lessons, allusions, and the like. One can learn from characters because although some are based on pure thoery, or the "ideal character" that man should have qualities of.

Some characters I have noticed and like are:

Nick from Gatsby- He does not judge, he is merely an observer just like Horatio( hurray for cross reference) but his inaction compromises his morality.

Horatio from Hamlet - Who wouldn't love the "good" guy? He is loyal, humble, righteous, wise, and a witness to testimony. He may be doing what seems to be an evil conspiracy, but he is rightly justified in the end. This is the said "ideal" character critics claimed Shakespeare made.

The Joker from DARK KNIGHT- A psychopath. He fights for no one, not even for himself. He just wants to give a message; that even the highest and brightest can fall. He is pure evil, although his methods are precise, everyone loves his "laughable" side. And by laughable, why the hell are we laughing and admiring this bad ass who has no remorse, nor respect for life, and no love?

Hamlet from HAMLET- The "teenager" who never gotten over his angst of incest, lost of throne, and woman's frailties. A wise, talented young man who was always clamoring of revenge and yet delay until the finale.

Dante from Devil May Cry- A bad ass, stylish, witty, confident mature man who just began to make his own business in demonslaying. He takes life easily and makes things for himself while at the same time burying his past.

Rorschach from WATCHMEN- A psycopath since childhood became a bringer of justice. He does not compromise with criminals, especially those who took innocent lives away. He justifies his brutalities against criminals by denying his identity. That way, he uses a mask and was able to fight fire with fire; bringing down the cold hand of justice. His flaw was his stubborness and not being able to break his trust with the people about the "truth".

The Past

2009-04-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

"Let the dead past bury it's dead" - the dead past
"Let the dead past bury it's dead past -me
"Burying memories is Man's way of surviving. But there are some things a Man should never forget."- Gendo Ikari

Man moves on by burying his past. Those quotes are quite interesting only to me because it is an allusion, an allusion to something only that I have been dealing with.

This also brings up another question. Can someone become like a dead past? Some current living being turned into a past that you left behind,a past that has yet to let go it's past.

What IS the past? Is it recent things, actions, and emotions being felt, observed, or acknowledged? Is it subjective? Do some people experience time differently? Yes? No? One can be engaged in an activity and forget themselves, and one can just wait the day out. Now tell me, who felt the biggest pain in that same amount of time? So does that mean time is defined in moments?

Every hour, minute, seconds, are really nothing but an event happening after another event. The event may be extreme in it's definition and causes the mind to lose track of time. A reference point is made one after the other, just as how you can tell things are moving. So suppose I move a cup across the table, did time passed? Did you felt bored? Was that quick? It was quick wasn't it?

There goes some poppin' thoughts...

Some Paradoxes..

2009-04-29T17:53:00.000-07:00

If you are not weird, then you're weird.

I am liberally conservative.

I am one, but I am many.

Look up close and you see the outcomes as A, but look from afar and you see the outcomes as B, so what can this mean? -- Simpson's Paradox

Do not smoke said the smoker...

STAR testing

2009-04-29T09:35:00.001-07:00

Testing in general, especially with multiple choice, can see where one stands. Is that true?

What if someone guesses correctly and they don't know it? Like when in doubt, go with "C". Who did made that rule anyway?

My Monitor!

2009-04-28T21:11:00.000-07:00

Err, well it is actually my brother's >_>

but be it his, or be it mine, our 22 inch gateway monitor just fizzed out on my right as my friend sent an IM of fury believe it or not @_@

*sighs* now I have to DOWNGRADE from a 1680x1050 to a 1400x900 but its cool. Thank God.

I don't know what to do now :/

A Philosphical Note

2009-04-28T21:06:00.001-07:00

As I was contemplating about relationships, I realized about Marriage and religion. All religion has marriage right? I don't know much since I am not a theologian, but if religion is for the greater "good" then surely everyone can get along even though they have disagreeing views. God let these things exist as a sure way to ensure free will. I will talk about "free will" later.

[This is a philosophical side note]

---It is a common for most girls. Most usually think that sex is the highest aspect of love, it isn't. This is why Marriage exists, to bind the man, well both partners together. Relationships that aren't true like Sam and Windy's are susceptible to separation and whatnot.(but then again, their form of love is in the EXTREMES~) This is why it is worth it more not to do it because of such..hormones and lust and hatred.

There is a lot more to a relationship and I am now starting to understand that because of Sylvia.

There is something..indescribable..something that has no lust..and something clean and pure in a relationship that is indeed "true".

*Sam and Windy's relationship is one of the most beautifulest I' have ever seen, they ARE in love, till death due them apart.

To the one who never forgives..

2009-04-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

As I've made up my mind before, "To Best Friendship with Victoria", I will still be here for you.

I haven't given up on you yet, I haven't given up on being your side.

But now I see, I am here to help you recuperate, and to tell you that Martin wasn't worth it. Your "love" isn't recognized well by that...guy..

I hath comforted you the best I can although it was never physically. True, I did fell in love with you, but it was perhaps a psychological thing and I'm sure you don't see or feel the same back. I realized this when I was asking Jess to give me inspirations to write a love letter to you. While I was contemplating my reasons and poetics, I have decided that a relationship with you would be a daunting one. I mean, what the hell am I thinking?

Your feelings for Martin are still there. Since he IS your first, it is understandable. It will take time, I have waited but now I see your weakness even more clear. You just can't let go of the past, hell you never officially let go of my "mistake". Then you started talking to me again when your relationship with Martin was in turmoil, feh. I tried my best to help comfort and ended up falling again, but I am just wasting my time. Your grudge and stubbornness is an obstacle to your own self. I am here to finally end this. You will always be my closest friend or friend that is a "girl" however any step higher is not possible now.

I now, only want to help you move on.

Interesting quote..

2009-04-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

I have just found this quote on Elizabeth's blog entry, and well, I too, came up with an interesting response. her blog

As you can see that is the quote [to the left].

My response was: "Man can Create, indeed. But Man can also Deny."

BAM! How cool was that? :P

Here's a second response: "A creator can destroy his own work, since man can create, he can destroy. Sometimes, the work man creates can destroy himself. Then the question is, why built it in the first place?" gahh..I ran out of ideas and syllogisms on that responds >_>

National Guard List...

2009-04-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

Workouts/Plans:

Shadow Boxing, Burpies, Running, kicking, balance stance, stretching, hills, sprints, strides, push ups, sit ups, leg ups

DMV Permit and Test, read first.

Talk to recruiter soon either by this summer, during, or after 2 year college.

Transfer? Possibly to a UC or CSU

Focus:

Confidence, Strength, Courage, Style, Wit, and Public Speaking.

Move On

2009-04-26T22:33:00.000-07:00

As I get teary-eyed, I can finally say that I can get to move on.

To hell with Josephine...

To best friendship with Victoria..

Free your burdens~ *.*

Military Ball 2009

2009-04-26T17:46:00.001-07:00

The Military Ball 2009 @ the Holiday Inn was very successful, although it was a bit of a downgrade from last years. The downgrade was just because of funds and timing. This year we had our senior year and so all of us were mainly busy with "stuff". Last year's Military Ball was at the Silver Creek Country Club, and boy, were we fortunate to have 1) adaquate fundraising 2) discounts--I'm talkin about MAJOR discounts (Commander's discount, Service discount, and yeah) 3) and donations by organizations such as PTSA, Booster Club, and more!

Anywho, yeah this year Colorguard did worse, but it was much more hilarious this year. Thank you Albert and Jess! ;D (maybe Thuy too). It was so much fun! A pleasant evening with my date until she was "reclaimed" by her father, but it is natural for parents to worry about thier daughters. So I yield..one must be understanding.

*sighs* but it will be our last Military Ball, unless we get invites or have time to go :/

.skarbakka

2009-04-26T09:57:00.001-07:00

I love his photos, he uses magic, and photoshop to get these good shots of himself in weird, death-defying positions to see how the human body reacts.

.....

2009-04-24T20:34:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would post this so soon, but I am..hurt.

I guess the feelings really did died out, everytime ur stuckupness and annoying "domination" type of attitude comes up, it really gets to me, especially in an argument. Perhaps I am too nice and sensitive, I still havnet forgotten the last time.

"Whatever"

Hamlet's Horatio

2009-04-23T22:09:00.001-07:00

English 4 Walia

4/21/09

Period 2

Hamlet’s Horatio

William Shakespeare’s Hamlet has a character that is claimed by literary criticism, to be “universally admired”. This “universally admired”character is a man named Horatio. To the extent of my knowledge, Horatio is Hamlet’s dear friend, who Hamlet confesses that he has great admiration for. Hamlet trusts Horatio out of everyone including his beloved Ophelia. Horatio is also a young scholar who is currently enrolled in a university somewhere in Germany. His origin is unknown, but now with what information of Horatio we have, Horatio can be “defined” and examined to see why he is “universally admired”.

So far I’ve stated that Horatio is a critically acclaimed young scholar character, probably in his twenties as does Hamlet. Horatio’s parents weren‘t even mentioned at all in the play. This must lead to the idea that he is not of the rich and maybe his parents are deceased. Horatio also is not in any way affiliated with the daily activities with Hamlet’s class, family, and royal court but only as Hamlet’s dear friend. His nature is quite easily to distinguish if one thinks deeply. He appeared several times in the play but it was at crucial moments such as the ghost appearance, the thrust and parry moments between Hamlet and Claudius, and of course, the climatic ending.

From the crucial moments (or every moment he appears actually) it is when we learn more of Horatio. He is always by Hamlet’s side and is willing to help conspire with Hamlet against Claudius, which is ironic because he is the “ideally good character”. Perhaps it is his scholarly way of searching for the real truth and having a preference for justice or reasonably, it is his love and friendship for Hamlet. One can argue, but I will go into detail later on. Horatio is also a man who goes by the teachings, and what has been known and real to him, which is why he didn’t believe in such things as ghosts. As Marcellus said “Horatio says 'tis but our fantasy And will not let belief take hold of him. Touching this dreaded sight twice seen of us. Therefore I have entreated him along With us to watch the minutes of this night, That if again this apparition come. He may approve our eyes and speak to it.”

Shakespeare’s Hamlet has the theme of what is and what isn’t. We can clearly see that in the beginning of Act 1 and in Horatio‘s character. Horatio keeps things real and yet logical at the same time. For instance, his prophetic deciphering after he saw the ghost. “A mote it is to trouble the mind's eye. In the most high and palmy state of Rome, A little ere the mightiest Julius fell, The graves stood tenantless and the sheeted dead 115 Did squeak and gibber in the Roman streets…And prologue to the omen coming on, Have heaven and earth together demonstrated. Unto our climatures and countrymen.” Which basically means that there is an omen and something has thrown off the state of things.

Every time Horatio appears, he serves as an observer, or a witness to something happening around the Danish castle. So we believe his function is of the ever observing character, although he may had done some things such as conspiring, but his fate, at the end, was to carry on the truth of Hamlet’s tragedy and a message for Fortinbras. In other words, he is like the scop, living only to tell and witness the next story of such tragedies.

Perhaps the reason as to why he is universally admired is because of his ethics, personality, and humbleness. Horatio is unlike Hamlet since he keeps to himself all his suffering and pains, meanwhile Hamlet goes off like an angst teenager against the world. Maybe this is why Hamlet admires him so. His scholarly ethics enables him not to judge so quickly and if he judges, it has to be within reason. And since he is humble and out of the worldly affairs, he does not need to be burden with such problems. He is, after all, the “ideal” character.

Formality, Gentleman!

2009-04-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

Here's a thought, I wonder where are the formalities and manners of the young generation nowadays. In rich sectors, you can see it because of the rich old grown ups, take for instance 5 star restaurants/hotels. Meanwhile the poor, they are more casual and lighthearted. And then there's the gangsters...need I say more?

A poem I just made up:

Formality, Gentlemen, Formality.
You shall treat your date
with the utmost respect
with courtesy
and with passion
and maybe some love~ ;)

You shall stand when she stands
and pull out the chair
You will mind your manners, no one eats or sits before all is at the table

Complements to your date about your date is a worthy praise
Ignorance and Negligence will lead to your dismay
and lost of reputation, plus
a ruin of a dear girl's night

Alcohol will be consumed if the lady lets.
DO NOT CHUG into the next day

Dancing should be fluid, with your partner mostly
DO NOT step on her feet, if so, apologize when needed

But above all, Have fun ;D

Sitting..

2009-04-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

Good grief. This morning I was watching the FOXNEWS channel and came across an interesting study report. The study report was about "sitting" and how it can kill you. They say people who sit a lot has a higher chance of dying and even though they may work out or exercise it still won't help much. What a drag I thought.

And then it hit me, what a drag it really is! I mean c'mon give us a break! Everyday we either go to school, or the office and sit down for like eight hours. Then we have to go home in a car not to mention if you drove to there in the first place! And then when you go home, you sit on your ass watching T.V. and resting.

Now that I think about it, sitting and laying down is all about what humans can and usually do. I mean, really, think about it. We spend our lives sitting or standing or laying. Our "hides" are just a bunch flesh laying on something we created, such as a chair, or a bed. We have legs, and yet we don't use it often but for walking, walking a "short" distance.

*sighs* This is harder to describe than you think. It is just soo fascinating to see what all humans actually do a majority of the time and that includes sleeping.

A side note: I have found a nifty link talking about how to sit right.

Quote of the Day.. "Oh, Shiteth.."

Formal Wear

2009-04-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

I need a new vest and tie, the only problem is, I don't know what style and color to get. I need to ask my date to see what we should wear. I might need a new dress shirt as well. Need something stylish, coat not needed I guess.

I'm thinkin' of like vanilla, peach, orange, amber orange glow ish color for my outfit and I still have to see if I can match with my date's preferences.

Already have: 2 dress shirts white/purple, rotc shoes, and rotc pants and silky formal pants.

No Corsages or Boutonniere needed...those are for couples mostly.

Dates to remember:

April 25th
Silver Creek Military Ball @ Silicon Valley Holiday Inn
399 Silicon Valley Blvd. 95138

May 2nd
Silver Creek Senior Ball @ Coconut Grove
Somewhere in Santa Cruz

BTW, today I have had two people talking to me/ mentioning to me about getting girlfriends and such. Like why am I depressed, or why am I weird, and I should get a girlfriend. An interesting thing came up though, one of them asked why I am not looking for girlfriends. I realized.. it is an answer I can't seem to simply answer, what was my reason again... :/

-Edit- Apparently my date for the military ball answered it for me, quite well actually ;D
And the answer is...Education, although there may be reason such as love and relationships take time, and that I am not like those freshman that "rushed" or so.

Where's My Master..

2009-04-22T18:59:00.000-07:00

[This is an excerpt of a lost apprentice who finds himself in a dark marble room.]

*Blindly scuffling through the dark on hands and knees*

"Where's my master?..

Where's my master...Where is he?

I-I don't know....Ohh! When did he disappear!? *gasp*

What have I done!? *sobs in the dark momentarily*

........

*feels a face on the floor*

ohh...What is this? A face? no, yes--wait, ah yes....face..

*gets startled and drops back* Gahh!!! Ahhhh!!!!! Wh-Wha-WHAT IS THIS!?

..ah...yes.. *starts feeling again* this face...this face....this face...so familiar...as if... I know this skin; skin and skull!

*feels around body*

---------

End

Look! Here!

2009-04-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

I should make an entry series about interesting things that I deem worthy for other "intellectuals" to read, especially of those who have more or the same interests as I do.

I was looking for M.C. Escher's work when I bumped into this

http://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=IFP.009.0007A

There's an excerpt from there that reminds me about Ayn Rand, Roark, and that one Architecture Garfield or so, I had forgotten the name. But either way it is quite true especially for all architectures and for those who knows "true" art.

"Stairwars of the Mind" by Juhani Pallasmaa Ph.D.

"Our materialist culture has turned buildings into objects of utility devoid of any mytho-poetic content. However, in addition to providing physical shelter, buildings should also house our souls, memories and dreams. Like all art, architecture expresses the human existential condition, and our lived space and mind define each other reciprocally. Architecture addresses the body and is experienced multi-sensorily. Fundamental architectural experiences are encounters that appear as verbs rather than nouns. One of the most potent images of architecture is the stair, which possesses a wealth of metaphoric and symbolic connotations. The stair is the symbolic spine of the house, whereas ascending a stair in dream-imagery signifies copulation. The qualitative differences of ascending and descending derive from the images of Heaven and Hell. Stairs appear frequently in literature, cinema and painting due to their extraordinary image power. The staircase is simultaneously a stage and an auditorium. It is also a vertical configuration of the labyrinth with consequent associations of vertigo, and getting lost. Our human reality has become threateningly concrete and one-dimensional as the environment has lost its symbolic dimension. One of the most demanding tasks of architects today is to re-mythologize and re-poetisize the built environment. Is it feasible that stairs would again come to express the existence of Heaven and Hell?"

Btw, I have to research more about M.C. Esher's work to talk about it but feel free to visit this link http://members.lycos.nl/amazingart/E/artist7.html to see his magnifent optical illusions!
and of course this: http://www.mcescher.com/

How I Write..

2009-04-21T21:58:00.001-07:00

I usually write things off the top of my head, and so it may be difficult for me to organize my thoughts and grammar, not to mention that I always have these thoughts, or sentence fragments that I MUST write down otherwise I will forget and possibly lose that precious thought to oblivion.

Believe me, I have had thoughts and phrases inside my head which makes no sense when I came back to it. However some thoughts DO come back, and for that, I am glad. These "thoughts" I have are really interesting "figured-it-out", "theories","stories", "plans", or "food-for-thought" things.

This is why I have a blog. I write whatever comes to mind everyday after school or whenever I feel like I should otherwise go paper n' pen, or just dismiss the thought.

As you can see, I've written over countless of blogs already and its been about a month that I had a blog. I would have a lot more entries if I had started sooner-- Look at my Notes, there's writing EVERYWHERE!-- I guess the problem is of "thoughts" being translated into "Language" just as what Tim-err T-Man stated in his own blog. I think quite fast; jumping the gun you know?

Another thing that occurred to me is that I am glad my Blog, Thogger, is having some kind of impact. My friend(s) got motivated to make one of their own and be like me and all. Thogger also captivated some people as well. I now a few avid readers who actually take interest in my blogs, and well, it makes me feel good, as there is finally a meaning to be noticed with my mind/voice.
It just proves that lately Blogs ARE changing the world, one interesting thought at a time.

They say that "Thoughts are the Opium of the Masses"--wait no that is note right. Well, what I meant was along the lines of "thoughts being a dangerous thing, since it can overthrow a head of state and such" you know?

Thank You For Reading ;)

Lorem Ipsum?

2009-04-20T21:14:00.000-07:00

Interesting thing I found, could be of good use..

http://www.lipsum.com/

"But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?"

"On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammelled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains."

Hold Out..

2009-04-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

Take my hand and take the wine and fly

Hold out your hand..
Take me with you..
We aren't going to fall..no
Not This Time..
Not gonna lose to this reality..
Not gonna suffer no more
Not gonna
Not gonna
Not gonna Willy,
Not gonna..

This was more inspired from a song i was listening and another song that i was thinkin' of. "Kiri" from Ergo Proxy the philosophical/psychological/science fiction fantasy anime.

Ergo Proxy Lyrics

"Ergo Proxy Kiri lyrics"

You complete my fate
The world unwinds inside of me
You complete my fate
The halo crawls away
You repeat my fate
Rewinding all we can
You refill my place
You refill my place
Come and save me
Come and save me

You complete my fate
The heavens stroll inside of me
You repeat my fate
Revealing who we are
You refill my place
You refill my place
Come and save me
Come and save me

Believe in me
Drink the wine
Take my hand
Fill me up
Believe in me
Drink the wine
Take my hand
Let me follow

Reasons Why You Should Get A Blog

2009-04-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

I am making this entry because I have friends, or people asking my why should they make a blog when they already have "Facebook" or "Myspace" or "Xanga" when I ask/recommend/suggest them to. Ironically, I have all 3 starting from xanga to facebook. But anyway, it has become a nuisance when I have stubborn people defying my suggestion with thier declinations, or sheer laziness! Oh the fools! They have no idea how great it is to keep a journal, book, notes, or blog!

One can express themselves through writing, releive stress through organizing thoughts, and make an admirable achievement. Like me, I have a knack now for staring back at my entries. It's just so cool and aweing to have written soo much thoughts, text, and ideas!

Reason #1- Blogging, whether on here or other blog sites, is completely you, all you, your thoughts, ideas, whatever.

Reason #2- Blogsites are different from Social Networking Sites such as Facebook, Myspace, TAG, etc.

Reason #3- It helps clear your mind, organize thoughts and ideas, and express your emotions/problems.

Reason #4- It gives you something to do-- you need a hobby.

Reason #5- It helps you develop writing skills, get inspirations especially from your fellow writers who write well.

Reason #6- I demand more followers.

Reason #7- I want to see your creation, or work, and styles; you do too.

Reason #8- It makes you look intelligent AND makes you intelligent at the same time!

Reason #9- Proof that your brain still works and that you aren't some hollow fsck.

Reason #10-[by J.S.]- Makes you more comfortable with sharing, and sharing is caring.

Reason #11-

In Four Years..

2009-04-19T22:14:00.000-07:00

In Four Years...

I will have blogged over a hundred entries about my life, philosophy, thoughts, and policies. But as you all know or heard, 2012 is coming, and well they say its the end of the world. Well are you going to believe that? or in God? It may as well be the changing of the Earth's magnetic poles. When this happens, the magnetic field will erupt and change, possibly destroying every fragile electronic thing in sight and maybe stopping heartbeats. The CPU's will be destroyed, along with your Hard Disk Drives and our informational networks/society.

and here's the funny thing, if that is true, then wouldnt it be pointless to buy HDD and any other electronic? Hell, why am I writing in here? All I wrote, all my goals I've made to be in here, will be erased and never read by anyone. And yet, Here I am...still writing..

It could also be like ancient civilizations. They have some leftover ruins for us to figure out and etc. Or it could be like old seniors, who have collected a lot of wisdom, which is of great use to us young'uns, and information, such as a secret project and aliens.

Heres a thought..

2009-04-19T18:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a thought, or some thoughts :

If you see a small land mass sticking out of the water, it is a mountain, waiting to rise to the highest heights.

If you see an iceberg, well then it should be the same concept as a hidden giant.

The problem these days are actually religion and politics/liberal interests. People keep thinking its Conservationism/Republicans and Liberalism/Democrats. But its not, its more of Traditional/Religious stuff versus the more modern, innovative, liberal, young generation.
Hell, even the Conservatives are fighting amongst themselves on their own interpretations. Conservatives believe in the individual choice..and well..this leads to a problem of basically religion, and fundamentals, you know?

Poems 1

2009-04-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

This shall be my first attempt at something.

Winds, water, and heart's delight
With Pollution, there will only be blight.
Only solution,
end the pollution.
The problem comes from Humans
from man, from homo sapiens

The wind is crying, foul!
even Harry Potter's Owl!
The water, it is stained..
We can't even begin to feel its pain

A Love Letter..

2009-04-18T13:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I was watching something and I saw all these people, white people specifically, and they were writing love letters to each other. The husbands who were in jail wrote to their wives who were also in jail because of a false testimony of children and well, its the Salem Witch Trials all over again.

Anyway, the way they wrote the letters were pretty nice, all decorative and all. But keep in mind this was back in the 1980s ish, however, I presume the "cutesy" trend still lives on in white lovers these days.

Their letters inspired me last night to write one of my own, and I believe it re-sparked my love and reason to love her. I believe it also reignited the more I think about her and because of her beauty. But as of now, I can't seem to pull out any passion, grawr, Need Inspiration!

Round 1///Dive to the Heart

Dear Lovely Victoria,

This letter is my reasonings, thoughts, and concerns that I have been carrying around.

I still don't know why I love you, why I stick around sometimes for you, but in the end, I don't know if its worth it. I get to see you after I stick around, but if your friends are there, I can't really do anything except feel weird and shun myself away. And if I finally get to see you alone(ish), I still can't do anything much, I can't even give you a hug, like at the night at the pageant. Am I too shy? Or have I become so nervous that I lost all reason?

I may have said that I was able to destroy my feelings for you several times but it keeps comin' back. I guess you can't really control or successfully destroy emotions 100% of the time. And also it has gotten worse ever since you "ostracized" me. I feel just weird now, especially when Josie is nearby, I guess it's because she hasn't officially ended the "ostracization" *sighs*.

I keep getting hurt when I am around you like seeing you talk to My or something. Jealousy much? bwahhaha I don't even know if you like me or not. So I guess all my reasoning is pointless huh. *big sigh* Why must I burden myself so for you? Well, It's because of Love<3 ^_^o

You are like a thorn on a lovely Rose, and I come at it.
And I pick at it and get hurt. And I keep coming back for more and it hurts me back more.
When will I ever learn? When can the pain stop?

Round 2///The Attempt

Dear Yuri *snickers*

You are a Libra,
A match for a Gemini.
A girl who I want to devote myself to,
A person I want to hold into my arms, and hug tightly
A woman I want to care for and kiss, alot,
There it is,
The Lovely Dancer
All in all
Her beauty is majestic
Her skills are oh-so-nice
A Rose, A Rose with thorns!
Is all I can describe, for it hurts me,
When my Heart is Opened
To Her,
For Her,
I bleed.

End.

Well, there goes my cheesiness :/

But the funny thing is that while writing this, I thought of God, and how I can muster feelings for her when I can't for God? Another truth is that If one opens his heart and mind to God, he will never be hurt in return, for God is Love.

Mathew 6:13 - "For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, for ever."

Pandora

2009-04-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

Ahh, I've been listening to http://pandora.com/ internet radio. It really is quite nice. The Music Genome Project that it has been trying to accomplish is the real deal. The Project matches with your interests and play songs accordin' to, well, for me, my mood. That is to say it creates a station depending on what you are searching for.

I have created several stations so far: Yoko Kanno, Linkin Park, Jimmy Eat World, and Nine in the Afternoon. In fact, it is free to create an account of your own, which is a better choice because it can "grow" on you. The Project is meant to adapt to your listening pleasures really.

Stasis..

2009-04-16T15:23:00.000-07:00

Relationships only work when the "human" factor is involved. Whether how much you love someone...hey wait a minute...what am i talking about. This can't be applied to all...well in this case I am talking about couples or trying to get the heart of someone. Okay, where was I.. ah yes..

All in all, I find myself doing things now without any reason. I took AP classes, paid for the AP tests, and now I am going to suffer while taking it, but hey its expected for AP students right? Well, I guess it counts for college credit now, that's the only point I see because I am going to a community college and then transferring.

Another thing is what I was talkin' about earlier, relationships. I used to really like this one girl, and well I spent every time I have online with her when shes on, but as of late, things happened. There was also a moment when she ostracized me, perhaps this is what led to my mixed feelings. And pretty soon, I can't really talk to her in public or in person much, which is the physical aspect. Physical aspects are what's needed in order to have a good relationship. I have been striving to do things for her, and at there were things at stake too. Now that that has been thought of, is this really worth it? I have so many questions. Why did I do things for her? Why did I liked her in the first place? Does she like me back at all? Why is she my only closest friend? Why are we so alike in the mind and yet we are silent in public?

An example of this would be me paying 25 dollars for a ticket to a seat at a formal place with a bunch of unknown Chinese people, powerful people, and a bouncer whom I took it personal to go see her pageant. I was really supportive. I gave Mom and Jeffrey grief just for this event. I soon got to see her, couldn't hug her. Couldn't talk much. Went home. It was a cold night. During the whole time, I was thinking of lost reason because I think I've lost reason startin' with APs and now my feelings for her. *sighs* oh well...

There is something at stake and I won't know much until I either go for her, or go into stasis and live life, meet new people, learn new things, and setting discipline for myself.

So this is how you really care?

2009-04-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

I'm just sayin' that if you really cared or wondered and when you get online, at least ask why I didn't go to a "review" session. Or maybe is it because you thought I had something better to do, which is an assumption (which is known to make asses out of you and me), and you didn't need to. Either that or you were just busy with yourselves and yeah...but really telling me that its an individual responsibility was not cool even though its true, I can say that you are also responsible for me but thats just for fun. What I'm really saying or my "fcking point" as Albert always try to ask, is that...I can see your true self, emotions, and weakness.

Sure, I may talk as if I am of higher status or something, but it's just how humans are if one really thinks.

Finally!

2009-04-14T14:10:00.000-07:00

My friend finally made his blog, and well..it took quite awhile. He takes FOREVER getting things done, but I suppose it's because of his ever swaying interests. He is like a Leonardo Da Vinci, always going about and doing "art". hmm a bit like me as well.

But anywho, he finally blogged, made a URL, and decorated his site, however, he still needs to get a FSCKING PICTURE. Jagdeep! Do you hear me!?

BTW his blog is intellectually interesting, perhaps on par with Tim's...

Linky----> http://skaiii.blogspot.com/

Random Skit..

2009-04-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

"Give me...More Power..."

"No."

"Don't you see? The person with the most power wins. And I intend to win, if I am to save this world. Why can't you trust me!?"

"It is because of your methods."

"My methods?"

"There is a borderline of which I'm not to sure of anymore, that is, how can this be possible? How far is too far? This just simply boggles with my ethics! Your act was very brutal,savage, cruel, and indecent. Yet it was for a cause that you say was for the greater good! In fact it can be deemed as a good cause, but at what price? How far will you go to save many lives and destroy loved ones, friends, family, and innocents?"

"....."

"Well!?"

"..well...killing millions to save billions...and ending a cold war between two super powers, not to mention it will unite humanity against a newer enemy. They will become brothers and sisters again fighting my scapegoat! This is the ideal plan from the start, yes it was cruel and costly, but it is as you said yourself..will this work? How far can one really go? Is this price affordable and reasonable? Well I'll tell you..see for yourself if humanity will come hand in hand and fight a bigger threat then them all. They have both suffered extreme losses, I don't think they can go on with the Cold War at this rate. Therefore they will now bond as a couple first starting out would."

"..This is madness...and yet...I can't quite condemn you..."

"So be it, I have finished my duties, and repentance for my arbitrary race...let this stand."

The Hollow Men

2009-04-07T18:46:00.000-07:00

I know I've been talking quite quite a lot about Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness"'s theme ever since watching WATCHMEN. Well, it IS fascinating, thanks to my English teacher Ms. Walia, I've actually gotten interested in literature now. To study the fine arts and find it's symbolism, characteristics and plot arcs is just simply amazing...

Anywho from what Ms. Walia told me, from "Heart of Darkness" came out "The Hollow Men" by T.S. Eliot. And from that poem came out the song " Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel. They basically stole from each other but the idea still leaves a lasting impression, especially for me. *grins*

Arrgh! There's soo much more I can add to this!! >< Okay, so, from what I've learned and was told, was that the theme is of savagery. Humans, in nature, are savages. When they go deep inside their own heart, they become more primal with their uncivilized selves. Then they have a choice, to fear it, deny it, or judge it and say something about it. That's what's wrong with the world; there are those who see and can openly judge it, and those who just keep to themselves with their "work". Working, is what saves man from being insane. Odd how it focuses our attention away from the REAL problem, or TRUTH. But also ironically what if your work IS the truth and you can't get away from it? Will you become mad like Kurtz or will you become like the Comedian or the Joker and fuck the world? Those characters are the characters who have been to the edge and found the true meaning of existentialism and whatnot. They have something to say, they have something to do, they say it, they do it. It is the Passion that they have and that we lack even though most of us say we are "motivated" or "planning" to do so. Take Hamlet for instance, why the fuck!? he didn't do what he said what he would do in the begining when he had all the liberty in the world only to delay and be a hypocrite?

hell, even I'm procrastinating right now! I wanted to work out, or do my homework, but look! I'm just writing out all this! Oh well, tis' better to do when one has an inspiration, a passion, and an important thought rather than make a mental note and forget, maybe even forever..

...and here..we..go!

The Hollow Men

T. S. Eliot

Mistah Kurtz—he dead.

 A penny for the Old Guy

 I

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death’s other Kingdom
Remember us—if at all—not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

 II

Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death’s dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind’s singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death’s dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat’s coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer—

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

 III

This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man’s hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death’s other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

 IV

The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death’s twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

 V

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o’clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
                           For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
                           Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
                           For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.


source:http://poetry.poetryx.com/poems/784/

It's like a Dream...

2009-04-05T16:48:00.000-07:00

Lately, [life] it has been like a dream..for everyone, including me.

Everything seems to be surreal and yet real enough to be acknowledged as life itself. Things happen and we accept it and move on with our work without really looking back. That's the problem with work, we never get to pay attention to the greater meaning, micro or macro, although it saves us from the insanity of inhuman objects.

A couple have been formed with the most outrageous characteristics, one would never expect until one can see the chemistry, and they both have a lot to learn ;).

Events unfold near the end of the year at a rapid rate, causing conflicts, or an even bigger and busier schedule to either enjoy or be annoyed. The main nuisance would be the Costs, you see. Senior year is oh so very expensive. So far the expenses are Military Ball and the pictures, Senior Prom and the pictures, stoles, shirts, and Senior Events. It's amazing how much I'm already spending!

bleh to be continued.